Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Dating Non-Members

Dear Bro Jo,

As a member who dated predominantly nonmembers all throughout high school, I was wondering what your thoughts were on that whole concept. What are your thoughts on dating nonmembers? What do you think are some pros and cons of dating nonmembers? How do you know if its a relationship that you should pursue, or when it is time to steer clear?

- Just Curious


Dear JC,

I have no problem with my boys asking out, and my daughters going out with, non-members in High School so long as the Dating Rules are followed.

That includes the Church's recommendation that dating start after your 16th birthday. (Both of my High School aged boys have been asked out by not-yet-sixteen year-old girls, and have politely said "thank you, but I can't go out with you until you're 16. I look forward to taking you out then")

I think things get muddy when we start talking about "relationships". If you follow Bro Jo's advice that High School dating should be "casual", and avoid the boyfriend - girlfriend thing until after graduation, then that problem is solved!

I know that relationships "happen" in High School (for a variety of reasons, BTW) but now that you're out of High School, wouldn't you agree it's a bad idea? Yeah it's nice to have someone in your life that affirms your value, but as we all know, the longer a relationship, the greater the pressure and likely hood that things are going to go too far (you kids know exactly what I mean).

So the next question: Is it a good idea to have a "relationship" with a non-member after High School (for girls) or after Mission (for both)?

Nope.

Look, bringing up children in a mixed faith marriage is tough. You've got to work as a Parenthood Team, and if you're not both on the same page about Sunday Meetings, Baptism, Scouts, Priesthood, Activity Days, Young Men and Young Women, you're going to feel alone . . . a lot.

Do some people make it work? Absolutely. Do some spouses eventually convert? No doubt. And more power to all of those couples; I respect and admire them for what they're able to accomplish, but every single one of them will tell you they wish they'd been of the same faith from the beginning. Every one.

We need to remember the purpose of One-on-One Exclusive Dating: it's to find a spouse! When you hit that point in life you should date as much as you can, looking earnestly for someone you can spend eternity with.

But you're wasting your time if you stop dating everyone else and focus all of your time and energy on one person who has no intention of ever stepping through the Temple Doors.

Many of you get frustrated that there aren't many LDS Singles in your area, or that the quality of those singles is "less than choice" - I totally understand. Let me say this: in every bad bushell there's at least one good apple; if you can't find a good one, look harder.

Sisters read my columns on getting guys to ask you out, and Brothers, get off your lazy Xbox-playing rear-ends and take these good Sisters on a date - NOW! Too shy? Read my columns on getting up the courage and MAKE A MOVE!

In every area there are quality LDS Singles - get active in your ward! Be the type of spouse you're hoping you marry some day (Involved, Worthy, Kind, Active - and, expecially for guys, EMPLOYED).

If that doesn't solve things, hey, you're young; get over your biases and move to Provo or Rexburg.

Side note: Sisters, let me be clear: guys will say lots of stuff to keep you in their lives (especially if they're getting something physical - anything physical - out of the deal) that they may or may not mean.

Even the best guy

May be willing to lie

To a young miss

So he'll get a kiss

- Bro Jo

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