Dear Bro Jo,
You give lots of advice on how to get into a relationship, but I need to know how to get out. I hate this part! When you realize it's not right, what can you say to keep from hurting someone's feelings?
I've been dating this girl for about five months. She's really nice and all, but we never said we'd be exclusive. I don't want to be a big jerk, but I met this other girl and we really hit it off, and I want to go out with her. OK, I've actually already asked her out. We're going out tonight. I told the first girl a lie about being busy (which isn't really a lie, because I will be busy, just, you know, on a date with another girl). I know I should tell her, but I don't want her to be mad, and what if the date with this new girl doesn't work out?
What should I do?
- Name and Town Withheld
Dear Dude,
These are the moments we married people are talking about when we say we're so glad we're not single anymore. Good to not be you!
You are right, though, you do need to talk to her (the first girl) and probably her too (the second girl) and the first girl (at least) could very well be hurt and angry. It's going to depend a lot on whether or not she agrees that you two haven't been exclusive.
I'm guessing you're troubled because, well . . . you're a liar. (Don't be offended, I mean it in the best possible way!)
You are seeing girl number one exclusively (Five months? Are you kidding me, here? The time alone indicates you're not casually dating!) and you feel bad because while you're in that relationship you asked out someone else!
Time to Man Up and set Girl Number One free. You're clearly not interested in her or you wouldn't have asked out the second girl - and NO, treating the first girl as your safety net back-up girl does not indicate interest. Go see her right now and confess. If you can't work up the courage to do it before your date with new girl, then cancel the date. If someone sees you with the second girl before you've talked to the first girl and it gets back to her, you're going to be looking at a whole different scale of break up (which you do deserve, by the way - I'm just trying to save your current girlfriend a little pain).
Breaking up is never easy, but it's best to be honest (meaning "be nice" and "take responsibility") and have the conversation as soon as possible. Do it in person if you can, but don't wait.
Good luck.
- Bro Jo
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