HH (Holding Hands)

Dear Bro Jo,

OK, like the whole HH [translation for us old people: "holding hands" - Bro Jo had to ask what "HH" meant - he doesn't speak "text"] thing has my mom totally freaked! She says I'm too young for a boyfriend, but it's totally not serious at all! We're just friends and I am 13! What do I say to get my mom off my back?

- HH in (town withheld)


Dear HH,

Like no freakin' way! Your mom is totally all over your case! She needs to take a pill!

You're like, totally 13 and all grown up and stuff!

Except that your mom is right. It may be puppy love (that's what we old people call adolescent infatuation - it's a bit demeaning, I'll admit, and we do it because we're not ready to accept the feelings of young people, but despite what you've seen in movies, at 13 you're not "in love" Juliet), but "HH" is a definite outward sign of affection (PDA!)

I don't entirely care if 13-year-olds holding hand, but I don't recommend it. You may think you're "friends", but you're not. That's what worries me here: you're pretending you're not in a relationship, and you most definitely are. If you're just being a "tease" (pretending you like someone when you don't), that's not good: you're playing with this boy's emotions (and hormones) and that my young friend is dangerous territory.

When you're 16, if you and your date hold hands on your date, I'm cool with that because to me it's a sign of affection that is certainly a lot more benign than making out, and if it's confined to the date then we may be able to escape the notion of a "committed teen-aged relationship", which, as I've said, isn't a good idea.

(and Bro Jo must admit, he likes holding hands - he liked it when he dated, and he likes holding his wife's hand now - it's like a hug)

See, here's the thing: even if You don't think You're in a relationship, and even if the Boy doesn't think he's in a relationship (and he probably does, even if he tells you otherwise - men - and boys - will lie if they think it will get them what they want from a girl - any man who says otherwise is LYING) everyone who sees you holding hands will think you're in a relationship.

Now you maybe secretly thinking that having a boyfriend is a good thing, but remember this: boys aren't interested in taking out (or asking to dance) other guys' girlfriends (OK, some will, but don't bank on it). That's one of the reasons I say to stay out of "exclusive relationships" in Middle and High School - you seriously limit the amount of people you get to know.

If you don't like this boy, knock it off; you're giving him the wrong impression.

If you do like him . . . knock it off; you're giving everyone else an impression you don't want them to have.

16+ and on a date? Bro Jo says (if both are comfortable) HH is OK.

14+ and on the dance floor? Well you kind of have to to slow dance, right?

12+ around school? Lighten up; stay a kid for a while longer. Even in High School, keep the relationships casual.

After High School? Heck yeah! Especially if you're in the "looking for exclusive" zone. Grab her hand to help her out of the car, man!

But don't tether her to you! A girl needs her hand to eat food, dude!

- Bro Jo