Step By Step

Dear Bro Jo,

Can you break down for me when to transition from Group Dating to One-on-One Dating?

- Curious Dude



Dear Dude,

You bet!

1. At 14 start going to Church Dances. Guys: Dance every slow song - with a girl (don't be weird; it's not funny) - don't "accidentally" be out of the Cultural Hall when one starts to play - LEADERS AND PARENTS: make this a REQUIREMENT! (Boys see Bro Jo's "How to Ask a Girl to Dance" for further instruction). Girls: say "Yes" when guys ask you, and make sure you ask a guy to dance on those "Girl Ask Guy" songs - LEADERS AND PARENTS: make this a REQUIREMENT! Both: Dress nice and smell good (the reasons should be obvious, but for too many teens, especially boys, they're not).
   
2. At 16 start Group Dating. (Parents, refer to The Johnston Family Dating Rules for Teens located in the side-bar). We actually require/reward our boys for taking out a girl at least once a month (Car insurance and a little gas is paid for by us if they meet the requirement. Some boys raise the legitimate complaint that Dating Costs Money, and then the excuse - albeit a good one - that they're supposed to save for a mission; remove the complaint and the excuse, but stick to the rules. The goal is to have Good Guys practice Important Social Skills by taking out Good Girls; not to establish exclusive relationships, no matter how many misguided and vicariously living adults think it's "cute").
   
3. Transition - After High School for Girls, Post-Mission for Boys. NO MORE GROUP DATING! You've been waiting for this, so make it happen. Guys: Man Up! You'll repel off a cliff, go on a Mission to somewhere you've never lived, camp in the wilderness; it's time to be One-on-One with a Woman. (Yes, I capitalized "Woman" on purpose: no underage girls for you! Date Women, and treat them accordingly.)


4. Note: If you ask a girl out and she wants to Group Date, I recommend the following statement:

"Gosh, that's really not what I'm interested in; I'm asking you out because I want to spend time with YOU, to get to know YOU better, not your friends".

Or, my favorite:

"I'm a MAN asking a WOMAN on a DATE; just you and me. If you're not quite ready for that in your life, well . . . that makes me sad. Here's my email address. I'd love to take you out when you're ready".

That'll teach her.

- Bro Jo