OK, this dating advice is great and all, but the big problem is that LDS boys are afraid to date. They want to "hang out" or don't bother at all. They were afraid in High School, and now I'm in a University Ward and it's worse.
What gives?
- Pretty in Portland
Dear Pretty,
You're right: they're afraid. For years we adults and leaders have trained LDS guys that girls are evil, only to marvel as they've come home from missions with no dating experience and no social skills.
No, not all guys, but an awful lot of them. And it's not just LDS guys; it's all guys. The reason is lack of training, first by parents and leaders, then by girls and women.
Too many parents coddle their boys. They think they're being "safe" by avoiding danger, but what they're doing is training these young men that the reward is not worth the risk. Pre-mission guys are learning that the joy of spending time with a girl and learning how to appropriately date is too risky; as if going to dinner in a group date is going to guarantee sex and pregnancy. These same boys come back from missions with no skills and many of the same fears.
And let's face it, every High School has an unhealthy helping of slutty girls, even the ones in predominantly LDS areas, so the boys are right on some level to have a little bit of fear (remember that the Old Testament teaches that "fear" means "respect", not that these girls are respectable, but the danger they engender should be respected).
(To my parent readers: if you don't randomly stop by your child's High School and Middle School to look around once in a while, you're out of touch; you think you know what's going on in your child's life, but you don't have all the information)
In High School and after, if a boy's parents have fallen down on the required training, then it becomes your responsibility. (Sorry! That's just the way it is.)
Boys don't "date" girls because they don't have to.
(Go back and read that again - memorize it, print it out, put it above your dorm door.)
Guys today get what they want without having to buy dinner. You give it away. Loose girls give away sex; girls with morals give away companionship. Why date you if he gets the talking and "friendship" and "hanging out" (and, if you're a total idiot: "sex") for free?
Making cookies at your apartment is not a date! Neither is watching videos at his place, nor is sitting around with a bunch of people talking.
A walk through the park, ice skating, a picnic; those are dates. Be creative boys! Plan, Pick Up, Pay (but that doesn't mean you have to blow a month's tuition).
Oh, and one last thing: if you're not married, don't go on "dates" to do ordinances at the Temple; that's just weird.
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