Dating Good, Girlfriend Bad

Dear Bro Jo,

Clicked on the Facebook link to your site and you definitely sound like you know what you're talking about, so I thought I'd ask you.

I'm sixteen and I just started dating a few months ago. I've got going out on dates down for the most part, my parents like to rub in everything I do wrong, so I'm learning quick. I know how to talk to different girls and make them laugh until they're ready to cry and I've even got some great "wingmen" to help me out.

My problem is that I don't know how far I'm allowed to take a relationship under Church rules. Can I actually be dating some one person? I've gone over the For Strength of Youth pamphlet a hundred times, but I'm still confused. All of my friends seem to be in a relationship with someone or looking for someone they want to date, but I don't know if it’s right or wrong.
I definitely need some clarity on this.

-Embarrassed and Confused


Dear Confused,

Thanks for clicking, for reading, for writing, and for the compliment.

I don’t think you have anything to be Embarrassed about; you’re learning to be comfortable around girls, you’re having fun dates, and you’re analyzing how those dates are going with your parents – all exactly what we’re shooting for here. (Also - smart thing getting a couple good Wingmen)

It’s natural to seek out a steady relationship; it’s comforting and, let’s be honest, the more time a couple spends together the more hand-holding, kissing (and so on) that’s going to happen. Now that’s all enjoyable stuff, to be sure, but pre-Mission getting too committed and too involved makes the likelihood that we’ll be ready and worthy to go on a Mission significantly less.

You know it’s true.

Look at the guys that are just a couple years older than you that have had “long-term” girlfriends; I’ll bet several of them are struggling with going, and while it’s none of our business, we’d be pretty safe guessing that a few of them aren’t worthy to go. Physical and sexual temptations grow exponentially the more comfortable a couple becomes with each other; heck, you can see that just walking down the halls of any High, Middle, or Junior High School.

Do yourself a favor, bro, stay away from serious exclusive relationships until you get back. Then, when you are back from the Mission, completely shift gears. Exclusive dating is the path to marriage, and that’s a pretty solid goal once an RM comes home. Then, if you really like a girl, see her every night you can. Keep it Temple worthy, but don’t be afraid to Hold Hands and Smooch a little (assuming she let’s you). If either of you feel that this isn’t a good fit, kindly part ways and move on.

(Here’s a little side note for you YSAs: the way I knew Sister Jo was the right woman for me is that it ached to be away from her for any length of time; I couldn’t imagine going through life, let alone eternity, without her.)

For now my young friend, date everybody. Once a month minimum, but not necessarily every weekend. Rotate them. You can take the same girl out, but put a couple different girls in-between those repeat dates. Let all the girls you take out know that

1) You have a Plan

2) You’re going to Pay

3) You’re going to Pick them up

4) AND you’re not looking for a Girlfriend; you just want to practice dating and get to know a pretty girl a little better (which can also be used as a great line)

Your friends want “relationships” because it’s scary to ask girls out, because they think that having a girlfriend is cheaper than dating (and it is, if the girl is dumb), and because they’re looking to get more physical than they should at this age (again a comment on the lack of intelligence of some girls is appropriate here).

You’re on the right path; hold true. Hold off on the Serious Dating for just 5 more years; you’ll be glad if you do.

- Bro Jo