I am 17 years old (almost 18) and I've been dating this young man in my ward for around 7 months. I know the church says we shouldn't be dating steadily, and I agree. The thing is, it has been very difficult for me to find boys who keep the standards of the church. I used to settle for less but I realized this was only hurting me.
The young man that I am dating now is the most standup guy I have ever met. He is always the first to show up at a service project, he is a good student, athletic, he is nice to everyone around him and he treats me like a princess. We are very careful to date in groups or in public places. His dad is my Sunday school teacher and my dad is his young men’s leader. He is my absolute best friend.
The problem is that I know at my age I shouldn't be dating "seriously" but I feel that no one else I know quite measures up. I don't want to settle when I have something great. I try to be like the type of person I want to be with and I think that's one of the reasons he is dating me. I'm not sure if I'm doing anything wrong or not. I am planning on going on a mission myself, and this helps me to not get dangerously involved.
As long as it is still easy for me to keep my standards while I'm around him, is it wrong that I continue to date him? I still have a lot of guy friends and I spend time with them and with my girl friends as well. I don't feel I'm missing out on anything. I'm very confused.
Sincerely,
- Miss Confused
Dear MC,
Yeah, you can keep dating him. But throw in dates with other guys (2-4 minimum) in between, and have him date other girls in between dates with you. Keep all of your dates, even the ones with this guy, Casual.
It will be difficult to see someone you really like going out with other girls, and it will be hard for him to see you out with other guys, but it’s not like you’ll be kissing them alone on the sofa, just practicing your “get to know you better” skills (Bro Jo’s 3-Cs “Conversation, Courtesy, and Compliments).
Don’t settle, and don’t lower your standards. Do continue to date in groups and go on dates that are well planned. If he’s with another girl and you with another boy all as part of the same group date, show your respective dates the courtesy of realizing who your date is and acting accordingly.
You are missing out on the opportunity of getting to know more guys than just this one, and if you exclusively date at this juncture, especially if you’re both planning missions, the adversary will work extra hard on you to tempt you into unworthiness.
(Readers, this is one of the reasons Bro Jo advocates SHORT ENGAGEMENTS: once a couple decides to get married in the Temple, it becomes increasingly difficult to avoid being all over each other. 30-90 days is plenty long for a Temple Engagement – the typical reasons people have longer engagements is to plan huge receptions - which more and more I find a bit vulgar; to save the money for the long trip to the Temple, in which case I say get married by Priesthood Authority and make the Temple trip your honeymoon trip; or to wait for worthiness, which is fine, so long as they’re working to be worthy; or timing – and my general feeling there is that if you’re ready to get married, well . . . get married.)
If you truly agree with the Church when it says “don’t steady date” at your age, as you say you do, then knock it off.
Follow the Prophet!
- Bro Jo
The problem is that I know at my age I shouldn't be dating "seriously" but I feel that no one else I know quite measures up. I don't want to settle when I have something great. I try to be like the type of person I want to be with and I think that's one of the reasons he is dating me. I'm not sure if I'm doing anything wrong or not. I am planning on going on a mission myself, and this helps me to not get dangerously involved.
As long as it is still easy for me to keep my standards while I'm around him, is it wrong that I continue to date him? I still have a lot of guy friends and I spend time with them and with my girl friends as well. I don't feel I'm missing out on anything. I'm very confused.
Sincerely,
- Miss Confused
Dear MC,
Yeah, you can keep dating him. But throw in dates with other guys (2-4 minimum) in between, and have him date other girls in between dates with you. Keep all of your dates, even the ones with this guy, Casual.
It will be difficult to see someone you really like going out with other girls, and it will be hard for him to see you out with other guys, but it’s not like you’ll be kissing them alone on the sofa, just practicing your “get to know you better” skills (Bro Jo’s 3-Cs “Conversation, Courtesy, and Compliments).
Don’t settle, and don’t lower your standards. Do continue to date in groups and go on dates that are well planned. If he’s with another girl and you with another boy all as part of the same group date, show your respective dates the courtesy of realizing who your date is and acting accordingly.
You are missing out on the opportunity of getting to know more guys than just this one, and if you exclusively date at this juncture, especially if you’re both planning missions, the adversary will work extra hard on you to tempt you into unworthiness.
(Readers, this is one of the reasons Bro Jo advocates SHORT ENGAGEMENTS: once a couple decides to get married in the Temple, it becomes increasingly difficult to avoid being all over each other. 30-90 days is plenty long for a Temple Engagement – the typical reasons people have longer engagements is to plan huge receptions - which more and more I find a bit vulgar; to save the money for the long trip to the Temple, in which case I say get married by Priesthood Authority and make the Temple trip your honeymoon trip; or to wait for worthiness, which is fine, so long as they’re working to be worthy; or timing – and my general feeling there is that if you’re ready to get married, well . . . get married.)
If you truly agree with the Church when it says “don’t steady date” at your age, as you say you do, then knock it off.
Follow the Prophet!
- Bro Jo
Thanks so much Bro. J! I'm in this same exact situation. I really like this kid but at the same time he's one of my best friends. We hang out a lot but we've never kissed or even held hands. He's super fun to be around and he's a complete gentleman. I feel very good about liking him. My parents know that I like him and whenever we hang out we're in public; we're never alone. We continue to date other people but we do enjoy going on (group) dates with each other. I know that I won't like him forever but I know that if I continue to follow the Lord's advice on dating that we can still be good friends even after we stop admiring each other.
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