Too Hot

Dear Brother Jo,

I'm almost done with my senior year of high school. There are only 5 weeks until my 18th birthday and I head to BYU-Idaho in January.

As excited as I am to go to college and start the rest of my life.. I'm afraid of one thing. I’m afraid of BYU-Idaho. But only for the fact that I don't want to be attacked.

It seems that ever since I got accepted all I've heard in church, school, life are the stories of how the adults in my life met and got married. Guess where? That's right BYU, BYU-I, etc.! I've never dated before.... I've "casually dated' as it's called. I've never been presented, tempted, or had the desire to steady date anyone. I've always decided to wait as the prophet says till I'm 18. That in my situation was easier than for others. But I guess I’m saying is that I don't want to be pressured by the college and students to get married or even date!

Yes I will casually date because I know it's something that I can't avoid and is yes is fun! But I'm afraid of getting caught up and almost choked by the students. I want to be able to be free and not depend on someone else to make me "complete". To me a boyfriend is just a hindrance to my goals. Do you have any comforting words?


Signed -

No Boys Allowed


Dear No Boys,

Well . . . for a girl who’s never had anyone even ask to be her Steady, you seem pretty confident that you’ll be the Cat’s Pajamas at the Y of I! Think we’re pretty hot stuff, do we?

Relax! (That’s my comforting word)

Maybe you’ll be the most popular girl in the building, and maybe you won’t. Does it really matter? Yeah there’s a lot of dating that happens at Church Schools, but there’s also a lot of SCHOOL (you ARE going there to Study, right?)

I’m not worried about boys mobbing you to the point where you can’t breathe (believe it or not, you won’t be the only Hot Girl there – trust me), what I’m worried about are two things: 1) your lack of understanding that this is the time to Serious Date, not Casual Date, and 2) you’re totally warped description of marriage.

Let’s take them one at a time, shall we?

1) Casual Dating is what you are doing in High School. It means NOT looking for a boyfriend, so the fact that you didn’t have one is a Good Thing. By definition (MY DEFINITION) it means Group Dating. Serious Dating is what you Get To Do after you Graduate. It means that you no longer Double Date, you Single Date. One on One. It means you can go out with the same guy several dates in a row, IF YOU WANT (and If He Asks, because, you know, he may not). Serious Dating does not mean that every date is a Boyfriend; it does mean that should you find a guy that you would like to have as a boyfriend and IF he wants to be your boyfriend, well that’s OK.

2) Marriage is NOT the opposite of Freedom; it’s the result of Loving Someone So Much that you put your needs behind theirs. It, along with Parenthood, is the ultimate act of selflessness. Yes, there’s an element of Selfishness in that you’re so gosh-darned grateful that you have met this wonderful person and you want to keep them to yourself forever as your Eternal Companion, but a Marriage without Sacrifice won’t last.

Being married is the smartest thing I’ve ever done. I’m not “tied down”, I’m Lifted Up by my Best Friend who cares about me and my success. And I will do anything for her. That, my friend, is True Freedom. A Good Spouse is not a hindrance; a Good Spouse is an Inspiration!

But I wouldn’t stress out about it too much. You’ve got a little maturing to do before you’ll be marriage material . . .

Don’t take too long, though. You may not want to get married at 19, but you’ll be pretty bummed if you’re not married at 39; and you’ll have no one to blame but yourself if you give boys the “I’m Better Than You” attitude (very similar, I might add, to the “Everyone Wants Me” attitude) or choose to blow off dating altogether to focus solely on a Career.

- Bro Jo