What's a Dad Supposed to Do?

Dear Bro Jo,

What should parents be doing once their children start dating?

- Not Ready Dad in Orem



Dear Orem,

I'm with you bud, this can be a scary time for parents, but it doesn't have to be. There are several things you can do leading up to dating age, but let's focus on the question at hand.

Bro Jo's WHAT PARENTS OF DATING TEENS NEED TO BE DOING

1. Know who your kids are dating. You don't have to have genetic records and finger prints, but you should know their names, where they live, and a little about their parents. Chaperon Dances (casually, man, you don't want to embarrass the kiddos), have Movie Parties and other Get-Togethers AT YOUR HOUSE - and don't hide in your Study, meet the kids (and hopefully their parents) at the door, shake hands, memorize their names, ask them how they know your kids (if you don't already know, if you do, repeat it "Oh, you're in her science class"). No young man should take your daughter out of your house if you haven't given him a little interview (it's actually fabulous fun)



2. Go over rules and expectations in advance. Don't want to be surprised about your child's behavior? Make sure they know what you expect. You can use the "Bro Jo's Dating Rules for Teens" as a place to start; they're listed here on the home page on the side.



3. Establish a "Guilt Free Bailout" rule. This is crucial! Talk to your kid in advance (girls AND boys) and tell them that if the poo ever hits the fan while their out, and they need to be rescued, you will come get them, any time, any where, no questions asked; no lecturing allowed. YOU MUST DO THIS. You need to be the person they can call for help, and to do that you'll need be self disciplined enough to know that at that moment all they want to know is that they can depend on you to help them and to love them. No matter how enraged, sad, or betrayed you may feel, save it for later. The alternative is that they don't get help when they really need it, and you don't want that.



4. Talk. Before the date. After the Date. In general. You know how we're always hearing in Sunday School Lessons that we should pray often and how we should work hard to hear the promptings of the Spirit so those lines of communication will always be open? Yeah, the same thing is true of kids; talk often, not just yelling and lectures (those things do have their place and purpose), but just shoot the breeze. Getting in the habit of casual conversations will make the more serious conversations that much easier.



5. Date. Your spouse. Weekly. Set the example. And, if you don't have a spouse at this time, apply the dating rules to yourself (consistency is highly valued among young people) and get out there. If you're going to be the authority, know what you're talking about.



6. Encourage. Don't push the birds out of the nest, but give them lots of opportunities to fly.

One last thing? Don't treat your kids as Father Confessors; keep your sordid stories to yourself. Or at the very least, edit them for a PG rating. It's your kids that need to be understood, not you.

- Bro Jo