I just found your blogspot and have to say how truly impressed I am! Although, I tried to find an answer to my question and couldn't find it, so I decided to ask for myself.
Here goes...sorry if this turns into a novel...
I turned sixteen on April 7th, so a little over three weeks ago. I was out of town my first weekend of being sixteen, but the next weekend I had two dates- one to our stake's Seminary Ball (with a date we shall call...um... Carl :) ) where we would meet up with friends at the function, and one with a really good friend (who is destined for some great church leadership) on a group date (who we shall call... Jace).
Seminary Ball was girl’s choice, so I did the last minute picking. It is very similar to prom, but not quite as formal. I was picked up and Carl introduced himself while I was finishing getting ready. My parents seemed to think he was an awesome kid-approval! He drove me there and it was just us in the car (a little unusual for me being my first date), once we got there, the people who we were to meet up with got there very late and that left us (Carl and me) to eat dinner together and in turn to drive home together.
Being my first date, I thought you just left and went home, but apparently I needed to have something planned! We ended up driving around and finding a cool view of the Salt Lake Valley. We talked about school and friends and had a great time, but it was a little uncomfortable because of lack of planning. I got home a little before midnight with permission and a phone call to my parents. He texted me later that week and let me know he really liked me- slow down buddy!
The next date the next day with Jace was in contrast very well planned, and with a group with two other couples. Lots of activities, and still time to be alone to get to know each other. Different than the night before.
Yesterday (a week later from my second date), I wanted to do something fun. My mom suggested for me to see what Carl was up to. He was in the same boat as I was, bored on Saturday night. We decided to hang out (I made sure to use that term to let him know that this was not a date) and insisted on having a friend come along. All of mine were busy, and he finally found another friend (just one guy).
We did lots of activities this time, and eventually the friend needed to be home. Left in the car again just me and Carl. Maybe I am just paranoid... anyway. So we again found a place to drive around to sit and chat. We just talked about the fun activities we had done and even about his eagle scout (he is a very good kid). He eventually asked if I had ever been kissed. I said no (obviously). He asked if he could be my first kiss, along with me being his. I said no very politely, but I truly felt that I was not ready and he needed to SLOW DOWN!
He was a-okay with it and even texted me later that night to say he respected and actually appreciated me saying no.
However, the thing I am worried about is getting to serious to soon, and I happened to leave out that detail when telling my parents how the night went. I feel pretty guilty about not saying anything, but it isn't too late!
What can I tell Carl to let him know I want to stay good friends, but maybe date each other a little less frequently because I think he is a really awesome kid. Is it bad that I did not tell my parents or sister? I am planning on saying something, but am embarrassed and don't want them to think I am getting myself into a bad situation.
Sincerely,
Sixteen is sticky, but fun, I want to be six again!
Dear Sixteen,
There are times when we ALL want to be Six again . . .
Your instincts are good, but you need to establish some rules and follow them. Three that I recommend from “Bro Jo’s Dating Rules for Teens” (which are posted on the side here and on the Facebook Fan Site) are:
1. Mix it up. Two or three different guys between repeat dates, Minimum. That will slow things down with this guy to about 1 date per month at most.
2. Group dates only. Boys pick up first, and then girls get picked up. This reduces those awkward alone-in-the-car moments and gives each boy an opportunity to treat his date with gentlemanly respect (going to the door, meeting dad, opening doors for her).
3. Always have a post-date discussion with your parents. Same day, next day, now even though it’s been several weeks; none of that really matters (although the sooner the better). The point here is to keep the lines of communication open, help your parents relax about the whole “you dating” thing, and get some occasional council from people who (while you may not want to believe or hear this) have a great deal more experience with romance than you do (if they didn’t, there’d be no You).
Also, stop “hanging out” and stop calling boys. You’re not a baby anymore; you’re a 16-year old Young Woman who needs to require that a little effort be put forth for her attention. If a big group is getting together that’s one thing, but you calling a guy and asking to hang out is another. It’s OK if you’re the one putting the group activity together, but if you can’t get a big enough group together, cancel the activity and try again another time with more advanced planning.
Asking a guy to a “Girl-ask-guy” event is totally OK (I think Schools and Stakes should have at least one each per year), but don’t get in the habit of asking guys out AND “no”, you don’t have to have hours and hours of stuff planned for a date. In fact, Bro Jo thinks it’s better if you don’t plan multiple activities. Go to a movie. Go to dinner. Go play Golf. Go for a hike. But don’t do everything in one date. Spread it out (I’m telling you this, Sixteen, but THE GUYS reading this letter need to write it down).
And DON’T, DON’T, DON’T go “parking”!
You can talk anywhere, but something happens when we’re in cars. We feel we have this Invisibility to the outside world; that’s why people “rock out”, talk to themselves, and pick there nose in their car: we can see them, but they think they’re alone in the universe.
That Invisibility is why guys come up with cheesy lines like “I’ll be your first kiss if you’ll be mine” (you don’t honestly think that’s the first time he’s tried that, do you?) – smooth, but cheesy.
Dating will be More FUN and A Lot Less STICKY if you date smart.
- Bro Jo
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