Dear Bro Jo,
I saw your webpage in Facebook and I think it's very interesting and helpful, I really like it.
Here is the problem, my friend likes very obnoxious boys and I'm always telling her not to like them because they are not very good prospects but she just likes them.
The real problem began when my friend started hitting on this missionary, she doesn't do anything unworthy or something that makes him unworthy but she says that when she saw him she felt something really weird inside her, almost like she met him before like in the preexistence.
There have been better looking guys than him but she never really check on them, her intention is not to make him or herself unworthy, it's only a crush even my sister thinks he is cute!!!! I don’t really mind but now I try to avoid him or ignore him because I don’t want to do anything in this situation, I feel bad because when the missionaries come to my house I always treat them a little rudely, I don’t want that, I feel horrible but I don’t want them to think that I'm hitting on them and I think he suspects about my friend and because I'm always with her so.... I like the missionaries as my older brothers but the more we are growing up the harder it gets.
In 3 years me and my friends will be 19 and I want to handle the situation with them nicely and not being rude and without of the necessity of ignoring them because they are the same age, you know just play it cool.
Sorry for bothering you with this long email I just want an answer for my friend for her to look up to other people and not elders and for me how to act in front of them with respect.
Thanks
-confused and a little rude
Dear Confused,
Thank you for the kind words!
As much as we may want to, we can’t control who are friends Do and Don’t like. In fact, unless they sincerely ask our opinion (have you ever noticed how often people ask for our opinion, but what they really want is for us to condone what they’re doing agree with what they want?), we can’t really say much of anything if we want to keep them as friends.
It’s a tough line to draw. If you love your friend, you have a moral obligation to warn them if they’re in a dangerous or dumb relationship, but you run the risk of losing the friend if you trash on their love interest.
In general I err on the side of Speaking Up.
(Surprised? I didn’t think so!)
Better to be the warning voice, suffering the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, than to say nothing, instead standing idly by as your friend suffers. I think Samuel the Lamanite would agree . . .
Missionaries are still Guys, with Guy parts and Guy hormones (at least the boy ones are), so it helps if the Young Women they meet on their mission act appropriately. I’m Well Aware that for some Young Women the “Off Limits” status of a Fulltime Missionary is a Turn On . . .
You don’t have to be rude, just respectfully distant. Be Polite, but respect the personal bubble. While it may be flattering, most Worthy-focused Missionaries would rather a Young Woman keep her distance and ignore them as opposed to being flirty and trying to attract their attention.
Now that you’re old enough to see all of this going on, I’ll bet it gives you a new understanding of Missionary Transfers, doesn’t it?
Set a good example for your sister and friends, and if you witness behavior that you feel pushes or crosses a line, step into the uncomfortable (but necessary) role of being Your Brother’s Keeper (or Sister’s, in this case). Take your concerns to your friend first, and then if they don’t get it and the situation looks to get worse, go to a parent or priesthood leader.
Always treat a Missionary, guy or girl, the way you hope your child will be treated when he or she is on a mission.
Oh, and Confused, never feel like you have to apologize for Writing In.
- Bro Jo
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