Dear Bro Jo,
Well, there's this guy in my ward that i really like, and I'm honestly not really sure what to do.
I like him more than I've liked anyone else, and i almost annoy myself sometimes with how much i actually like him. We hang out a lot at mutual and seminary and stuff, and we go to the same school, I think that just about everyone knows that i like him. half of my friends guessed it and apparently i make it really obvious without even trying.
I almost just want to be able to get him off my mind and move on, but at the same time I'm not so sure i do. I've told myself i would get over him and move on about 3 times and it would work well for about a day then I'd basically relapse and I'm caught up again. then i start debating whether to tell just tell him, that is if he doesn't know already, or just leave things as they are.
i don't want to totally ruin our friendship if he freaks out or something if i tell him, but then just being stuck between liking him or trying to get over him really isn't much better. In case you couldn't tell, I'm kind of confused about what to do or how to handle this. i love reading your advice, and i hope maybe you would be able to help me!
-Ambivalent
Dear Ambi,
Everything you’re feeling is totally normal; you should enjoy it! At your age and stage in life its Fun to fall head-over-heels-madly-in-like with someone!
Ever ride a roller coaster? Liking someone is no different, except that when you finally get married the roller coaster ride never ends!
Write these feelings and thoughts in your journal so you can remember and appreciate them when you’re older.
So your question, I’m surmising, is “what should I do”? Right? Do you tell him? Do you wait for the feelings to go away? And what about your friendship?
Well, first of all, and I’ll probably have to say this about a million more times: Men and Women (including Young Men and Women) can’t really be friends. Friends (in my book) hang out; they go to dinner together; they talk a lot. When a guy and a girl do that it’s called “dating”; and dating, while it can be casual, is not friendship. Once you accept that, once you accept the possibility that romance may be part of the equation, then you can assess how to move from here.
If there’s no “friendship” to jeopardize, then that worry goes away.
The next step really depends on your age and place in life. Here’s my advice:
· Under 16 = Keep your feelings to yourself. If he doesn’t feel the same way (or doesn’t feel the same way YET), then no good can come out if the admission. If he does feel the same way, you’re both too young to be doing anything about it, so the temptation to get into a “relationship” (or stuff) will be too much too early.
· 16-18 = See if you can get him to ask you out using Bro Jo’s patented tools and tricks (found in many letters, under the heading “Getting a Date”, and on the Face Book Fan Page). Keep it Casual.
· If you’re 18+, and he’s come back from a Mission
Sorry to say this Bro Jo, but how do you get off telling all your readers that guys and girls cannot be friends? This is completely untrue and is very unhelpful advice. I personally have many friends of the opposite sex and I am most certainly not dating them. And all of my friends are the same. What on earth is your motivation here? Would you have girls only be friends with girls and boys with boys, only spending time with the opposite gender when romatically involved? Because that is utterly absurd!
ReplyDeleteAnd this is WHY I'm going to have to cover this about a Million more times.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure Anonymous means well, she thinks that the guys in her life have no interest in her outside of "friendship", which is, of course, not true. If they get in a relationship they'll stop being her "friend", even if only until the new relationship dies.
I'll let You figure out why.
I've written a much longer response to this comment. It will post later tonight (6pm, Saturday, June 20).
Anonymous, thanks for Reading and Sharing Your Comments!
- Bro Jo
Dear Bro. Jo,
ReplyDeleteI was sent to your site by my younger sister who took your advice to heart and she feels much better about her situation, since it is much like the original question. I would like to respond to the comment left by "Anonymous".
I am the mother of 5 sons and 3 daughters. And yes I remember what it was like to have male friends. I agree with what you say on the issue of the not being able to be "friends" when you are dealing with boys and girls. I have seen more friendships lost over the same topic. Once you are in a relationship you seem to over look your true friends in an attempt to stabilize the time you now spend with the new romance. So the only thing I have to say is take the wisdom you have gained and apply it to your life. It will save you more heartache in the end.
Loving Mother
You are COMPLETELY right about Men and Women not able to be friends. I'm a 17 year old girl and everyone my age (and a lot older) are in complete denial about it. They say it's Stone Age to think that they can't be friends, but in reality, there is always something more to it when people are really close to each other and "just friends". I'm so glad I'm not the only sane person in the world.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad, too!
ReplyDelete- Bro Jo