If It's Too Loud . . .

Dear Bro Jo,

How important is it to go to YSA dances?

I've been regularly attending our dances for some time now, and I keep getting disappointed, because they just aren't following the guidelines that they're supposed to, whether it's music style and volume, lighting levels, lack of any structured dances, or related failings. They aren't uplifting environments, and every time I go to one, I come away wondering why I went.

I would have stopped going some time ago, but it seems disloyal to our Church leaders, who must have a reason for continuing to organize them, and who if asked would give an answer along the lines of "Yes, you should definitely continue to come, you never know who you might meet, you might find your eternal companion there." Frankly, I doubt it, since even if I met her, I would usually have to shout at her to hold a conversation on the dance floor. Last night was particularly loud - and of all dances, it was the annual ball!

Based on your experience, is there a real need for me to keep attending? If not, then I'll instead follow the counsel in the Doctrine and Covenants to "retire to thy bed early" - which certainly doesn't happen after a dance finishes at 1 in the morning.

Thanks in advance.

Between a Rock and a Hard Place


Dear Rock,

Pretty important.

As you note, dances can be great opportunities to meet and mingle.

(Now Bro Jo tends to be a bit more obvious and aggressive. I advocate turning the lights on at the end and announcing that no one is allowed to leave until every single there has at least one date set with two different people.)

May I submit to you that you need to be part of the Solution?

We old people can be dreadfully out of touch with what makes a good dance.

Now in our defense, you young people don’t all agree, either.

I chaperone YM/YW dances all over my home state, inside my stake and out, and I’m consistently asking the Youth what makes a good dance. (I know you’re older, but I think the concepts still apply). If I hear “Cotton-eyed Joe” or “The Hamster Dance” one more time . . . you may just see my eyeballs bleed!

But DJ’s keep playing them, and they do it because kids crowd the floor during those songs.

From my perspective, I think we need more slow songs and less fast songs (and, as a related tangent, I think too many “DJs” have no clue that just because a song is up-tempo does not mean that it’s “danceable”); in fact, I’d love to see an “All Slow Songs” dance . . .

Which would solve your issues about not being able to talk over the music, and address the complaint I most commonly hear from girls, which is that the boys are too sweaty and smelly.

Maybe I’m too old fashioned, but I’d love to go back to dances with Dance Cards and Live Music that was all Big Band, Swing, or Rockabilly. Boys in shirts and ties and girls in skirts. Dances where no one takes the floor unless they have a dance partner, slow song OR fast.

Plus I think DJs need to realize it’s a dance, not a concert. They’re playing tunes to dance to, not performing in a club. There’s more to DJ-ing than having lots of music and a sound system; it’s an art.

And, with no disrespect intended, I agree with you that 1am is too late to end a dance, even for YSAs. How about this: YM/YW dances end at 10pm and YSA dances end at 11pm with each followed by an hour of “hang out and have desert and chat”? Readers, what do you think?

Rock, keep going to dances. If you don’t like them, get on the committee and make some changes. If they’re going too late, exercise your agency and go home at a decent hour (or better yet, put together an impromptu Group Activity – or date – and head somewhere for conversation and a cocoa), but don’t leave early without telling someone in charge that you’ve had a good time, you wish the music wasn’t so loud, and it’s past your bedtime.

Oh, and for gosh sakes, you’re an adult now; if the dance is too loud for you to talk to the pretty girl ask her to take a walk outside!

- Bro Jo