Wating for a Missionary - part 2

[Readers: This letter was received in response to the original Waiting for a Missionary post, which you can read by clicking here.]

Bro Jo-

I dated my boyfriend for a year and a half before he left on his mission. I find it really hard to grasp your concept of breaking up before he leaves.

How could you break up when you both don't want to?

It's a lot harder than it sounds, I’m sure.

I still have extremely strong feelings for him and he's been out for a year. I write him positive letters and also negative letters. Not about how he should come home but about how I feel with certain situations that I am in. I tell him everything and he writes back positive letters. He writes me negative letters and I respond with positive letters.

He constantly says that without me for him to vent to he would find it extremely difficult to stay out there. (He's had some pretty crappy companions which shouldn't even be out there). Of course I realize he has the Lord also.

So I guess, in your POV that I am the exception?

BTW, I didn't tell him I was waiting for him, because I find it somewhat sketchy for girls that say they will wait and they don't.

Also, I go to BYU-I which keeps me from constantly thinking about him. Keeping busy is best. But I also see my peers who are waiting for missionaries date, lead the guys on, and in the end will not let go of the missionary and break the guys heart.

Just some thoughts... ?


Dear Thoughts,

I KNOW it’s difficult. It’s also the right thing to do, for both of you.
People are in a constant state of change. Successful or not, honorable or not, the Return Missionary is a different man than the boy who left. As are the people who stayed behind.

Sometimes that’s good. Sometimes it’s bad. Sometimes the changes are significant and obvious, sometimes much more subtle.

While change can be more difficult to observe while we’re together, it’s easier to adapt to than when we’re apart for a significant length of time.
There’s nothing wrong with you writing him, I highly encourage it, so long as your letters are not filled with romance and longing. It sounds like the pen pal thing is going well, keep it up!

You were smart enough not to promise to wait, and you shouldn’t be waiting; you should be dating.

It’s also Good that you’re busy with your studies.

But you need to realize that when he comes back you may get back together, and you may not. The latter actually tends to be what happens: most often couples who Exclusively Dated right before the Mission DON’T end up together. Maybe you will, and maybe you won’t, but you owe it to yourself to not ignore any of the other possibilities that may come along while he’s gone.

Too many young sisters “wait” themselves out of contention, putting off marriage for the Future RM, schooling, career or something (like Prince Charming to appear on his Noble Steed with light shining from above declaring him worthy of her love), only to find themselves Single and 35.

And, when he comes back, he should probably date girls other than just you; he needs to be sure.
In my Point of View you’re not the exception; you’re the rule.

- Bro Jo