Too Nice to Date?

Dear Bro. Jo,

I'm 19 going on 20 and I have the worse luck when it comes dating...wait let me correct that, my dating life is non-existent.

I have tons of friends and some of them are guys, everyone tells me I'm a nice person. I'm friendly to everyone that I meet and I'm quite the social butterfly. I take care of myself (workout, shower, wear pleasant scenting sprays/perfumes, dress cute and modest, etc.). I smile a lot (I get compliments on my smile all the time) and I'm a happy-go-lucky person. Sorry if I sound like I'm bragging about myself, but I'm trying to give you a picture of some sort of the kind of girl that I am.

When it comes to guys it's those that are either too young or too old for me that are interested in me. That's a dilemma for me because I want to date the guys around my age group.

But I can't seem to get them interested or, if they are, they never do anything about it. I have seen them check me out, ask for my name, and then proceed to get my number (sometimes), but that's where it stops.

When they don't call or ask me out, it makes me feel like something is wrong with me. It's not like I don't laugh at their, sometimes, lame jokes (sorry if I sound angry I'm just really frustrated). There are times that I just want to stop putting efforts in my appearance because they're not taking notice(The wrong men take notice though, i.e. missionaries, married men, way older men and it's not like I'm dressing to impress them). I do want to get married someday, but how will find the one if I don't get the chance to "play the field"?

I watch my friends go on dates all the time and it bums me the heck out. My question is, how do I get a guy to ask me out without seeming desperate?

-Nice Without Dates

P.S.-I have taken the initiative and asked the guy out, but I'm tired of doing the asking.

P.S.S.-I might add that I'm Nigerian, if it makes any difference.


Dear Nice,

Doesn’t make any difference to me that you’re Nigerian . . . nice to know, and kind of cool to get to correspond with people from all over the world, but unless there’s some cultural issue, which you didn’t bring up, . . . I think people and what motivates them is pretty universal.

Let me suggest to you that your problem lies somewhere between “doing the asking” and putting your fait entirely in the hands of the men around you.

It sounds like you’re doing your best to present yourself well, and I’m sure you’re a very nice person. Older guys appreciating you should generally be taken as a compliment, so long as they’re not overly creepy; missionaries coming on to you is a problem. It may not be anything in particular that you’re doing, but I get the sense that you’re spending time with the wrong group of people: Missionaries and Old Guys.

So, what can you do to make certain that Worthy Single Men close to your age are doing the asking, and that those that pursue you actually have the courage to follow through with a date?

I wrote a column a while back about things a girl can say to increase the chances a guy will actually call. You can find it on the Facebook Fan Page HERE.

You can also find postings there about how to get guys to ask you out and a discussion (that I think applies) about teaching guys to respect women by insisting they open and hold doors. (click here for that)

In general I’d say applying a little more pressure is in order. Remember that you’re a Daughter of God, and as such deserved to be treated with the respect that such a princess deserves. Stop doing the asking; by making it that easy for the guys in your area, you're sending a signal that no one need work for your affection.  Make certain that guys understand that you’re worth the effort.

You’re still young. Keep doing what you’re doing and be a little patient. It IS true that love comes when we stop looking.

- Bro Jo