Just a Sister?

Dear Bro Jo,

I have a huge, convoluted "unrequited love" situation I could tell you about, but before I decide to wear out my fingers with all that typing, I want to ask you two things:

1) Of the options you give for things girls can really be to their guy 'friends' you mention the 'sister and nothing's ever going to happen' option and how rare that is. Would you like to elaborate on how rare? Haha. Out of future date hope, back up plan, tool, not that close of a friend, or sister, I'm thinking future date hope or sister are most likely. I should be able to tell, I suppose, but I am too caught up with all this to see clearly anymore, I fear. Like I said, long story.

2) What are your general thoughts on unrequited feelings? Or currently/apparently unrequited, at least--and how can you tell?!

Thanks for all the great advice. I guess I still need some more though :)

Just a Sister?


Dear Sister,

1) Rare enough that I question its existence in any dimension we might label reality (although I did just get a letter from a Young Woman who serves in a military combat unit, and the men she serves with think of her as a "sister", or at least she thinks they do). If I were to rank them from top to bottom, in my opinion (not yet backed up by science, but perhaps someday . . .), I'd say this:

Bro Jo's List of 

IF HE CAN'T BE YOUR CLOSE FRIEND, HOW DOES HE REALLY SEE YOU?

1) Future Date Hope - He's Friendly, but really wishes he could date you some day, even if he'll never have the courage to act. = 60%


2) Back Up Plan - He's dating someone else, has a girlfriend (or wife), but confides in you, spends time with you . . . basically he's holding you in reserve "just in case". = 20%


3) Tool - You provide him with something he isn't getting elsewhere, physical or otherwise. = 15%


4) Not THAT Close of a Friend - You think you're pals, but to him you're not. He may just be a Nice Guy, or you may be blinded by your feelings for him. = 10%


5) Really more of a Sister = 0%

(A couple quick things about "Back Up Plan": a) it's really no different than "Future Date Hope", and b) I honestly think most guys don't think that far ahead)

2) How can you tell how he sees you? Ask your best friend; the one that will tell it to you straight rather than just tell you what you want to hear. Or, better yet, ask a close family member.

(You could ask the guy of course, but he may just lie.)

My General Thoughts are:

A) If you're a woman in a platonic relationship, it's your fault. You've made it too easy for him.

and B) Get out. If you're over 19 it's time to move on. You're wasting your time, and probably scaring off any guys with real potential.

How can you tell it's unrequited? Um, well, it's simple: has he kissed you? That's usually a pretty good sign that he has romantic feelings . . .

Of course, you could always just . . . oh . . . I don’t know . . . talk to him about it . . .

Communication is an amazing thing.

- Bro Jo