Home and Right Back . . . to Get Married

Dear Bro Jo,

My friend just came home from his mission last week. He got engaged to a girl from his mission just a couple days later; he met her in his last area. Today he left to return back to where he served so that he could be with his now-fiance. They are getting married next month.


His mom seems extremely happy, but I think he is making some seriously rash decisions. I talked to a cousin of his whose family feels the same way I do.


Should I say anything to my friend or just let it go?


When is the earliest a RM should get married? Should there be a "waiting time" so that he can adjust to home life, or does it not really matter?

 --Concerned Friend

 PS:  And yes, I was interested in this guy before his mission. But I'm obviously rethinking that.



Dear Friend,

Going backwards . . .

It does matter . . . a little.

Not everyone needs a waiting period to adjust to home life, but most RM's I've spoken to do feel a need for a little culture-shock recovery. If someone wants to start dating the weekend after they get home, I think that's fine, even advisable. (I think too many RM's wait too long to start dating.)

I don't believe in long engagements, so especially in the case of an RM who comes back and dates someone he (or she) already knows, perhaps even dated before, I can totally understand a marriage within a couple months of coming home.

I think there are actually two other issues at the core of your letter.

The first is in the question "should you say something to him", and the answer is "No" . . . unless, and this is a very serious If And Only If, you think you're in love with him AND that he might feel the same (which, to be honest, I don't think he does). If you're old enough and there's a history between you then it's OK to take a final shot at revealing your feelings (so long as you do it as soon as possible and that definitely has to be pre-wedding). Ultimately I don't thing there's anything you should do, or say, but I do have to say that I don't think you'd have even written the letter to me if you didn't have some vested interest other than "friendship".

The other issue is the whole "rushing back to the area where a missionary served and getting married right away". THAT I agree is . . . well . . . weird. That only happens if our missionary friend was spending time with this girl that he ought not have whilst he was supposed to be serving the Lord.

That's wrong, of course, but he did it, and now they're getting married. So the rest of us, especially those purporting to be his friends, should probably just sit back and say nothing.

(I can make some pretty strong arguements that the person who should be warned is Her, not your buddy; and the people that should be smacked are her parents for letting - and I'll bet Encouraging - their daughter - assuming this is a Young Woman and not some lonely Single Sister, possibly with children - spend so much alone time with this guy while he was on the mission to begin with . . . but I digress)

Unless he asks.

And he should.

But he probably won't.

If they do get married I hope it works out for them.

The best shot they have at that is if they move away from her home town (where he served).

Not that anyone asked me.


- Bro Jo


PS - I didn't see your PS until I replied - you're absolutely right - and I appreciate your honesty - you need to cut bait on this guy and move on.