I would like to ask for some advice. There is a girl that I'm absolutely sure I'm in love with. We met at church in August, her family just moved here to (place withheld), from (place withheld). They didn't have a place to stay so my family invited them to stay at our house for a week while they were looking. The girl and I became great friends while they were staying here, and then my family went on a little trip so then i started to text her. In our text we would talk and get to know each other more. I started to fall in love with her the week that i met her.
One day in our text the conversation changed a little bit and we both said that we like one another. We later decided to stay friends but then over time we started to say that we love each other. Then, we were watching a movie one time and our hands touched and were just touching during the whole move. every movie we watched together either our legs or arms or something would be really close together. During another movie, we were actually holding hands and it was one of the best feelings ever. After that, in our text we would say that we wanted to be together forever and it kind of turned into a boyfriend/girlfriend situation. We were always happy and then her mom read her texts one time and wasn't happy about them so her phone got taken away.
When she got her phone back we tried really hard to keep it just friends so we did not get in anymore trouble. During a week while my family and i were on a vacation we called each other and would talk for a long periods of time. That weekend her phone got taken away again and her mom decided we were not allowed to electronically talk anymore. So whenever we saw each other at church we would smile and hang out, but then one week she ignored me and it hurt really bad.
Her mom told my mom that I was obsessed with her and that I scared her away from myself. Also, I was told she didn't like me anymore. I was talking to another friend and she told me that the girl I like, likes another person now. Now the girl i like wont talk to me at church or even look at me. It's really hard for me because this girl was the first real friend i have had in a while. And the guy that she likes is one of my best friends.
I don't know what to do. I have tried moving on but I cant stop thinking about it. Is there anything that i could do to win her back/ become friends with her again and talk to her?? I honestly don't know what to do. I really just want one more chance to be with her.
-JH
Dear J,
OK, J, help me out a little here: how old are you and how old is she?
- Bro Jo
-JH
Yeah, riiiiiiiiiight.
There's no way the writer of that first letter wants to "just be friends", and let's face it: what you, I and most guys know (and are ready to confess) is that you could never be "just friends" with this girl. Nor should you.
I'm not advocating that you try to get her back as a girlfriend - (I hope this experience has taught you that, just as you said, the Boyfriend-Girlfriend thing is not an encumbrance one wants at your age; the emotional and social baggage isn't worth it. Neither is the PDA, nice as it may be.) - but I am strongly suggesting that you not burn any bridges here.
Still be nice, still talk to her, still treat her well.
Don't treat her as a girlfriend. In any way.
DO NOT talk bad about her to anyone. If you need to vent, talk to your parents or best friend, but don't feed the rumor mill, no matter what she does, says or how she may make you feel. That stuff will only come back to haunt you.
You will probably want to take her on some Casual Group Dates when the two of you are old enough, maybe even a Formal Dance or two, so don't do anything now that will eliminate that as a possibility.
When you come back from serving an honorable mission, if she's still available, and if you think you might still have feelings for her, date her then. If something seems to be there, pursue it.
But for now focus on being nice, not exclusive. Be friendly, but not her best friend.
I know it hurts. The hurt may never totally go away, but it will lessen over time.
I promise.
- Bro Jo
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