Bending the Rules

Dear Bro Jo,

Hey, I am an old friend of Sister Jo. You can publish this question of you want but really I just wanted to know what you think of this situation.

My 15-year old son has a REALLY great group of friends. One of them is a 16½ year old girl that has been our next door neighbor for the last 5 years. She is one of those girls I hope my sons will eventually find and take to the temple. The other day I found out, through talking to my son, that she has not yet been asked to prom. She had the idea that she would ask him, kind of joking about it, but thought we would never go for it because he is not quite 16 (just a couple months away!) She is about the ONLY girl I would even consider making this exception for. After talking to my husband about it we came up with a few stipulations:

1. It must be a group date and, if possible, couples not even be paired up within the group; just a bunch of friends going together because they just really want to go to prom.

2. I have a son just older than him. He’s 17½ but has Autism. He’s still too shy to ask any girl out even though he is well known and well loved at the high school. He would need to be included in this prom group.

3. There will be no more “dating” until the magical age of 16.

4. Curfew will be strictly enforced or there will be no dating when the magical birthday comes in a few months!


I also feel OK about it because, not to brag, this son of mine is a really good kid. He has had a paper route for the last three years that he has done all by himself without having to wake us up or bother us with any other details. He is really responsible. He is president of his Teacher’s Quorum. He is in two choirs at the high school, one of which is made up of kids that meet at lunch and before school just because they love to sing and they love to be together (which means he gets up extra early for his paper route on those two days!) Plus, he is very willing to stick to the rules listed above.

He is almost the youngest in his grade because of his birthday and all of his friends are going. And he feels bad that his friend, “the girl next door”, still doesn’t have a date. Is “Almost 16” close enough? I am leaning toward yes, especially if it includes helping his older brother have his first dating experience. What do you think?

Thanks!

- AB

Dear AB,

Hi!

I remember you; how great to hear from you.

I hope Sister Jo has warned you . . .

:)

This is going to fall under the category of "Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." - Erica Jong


No dating before you're 16. No exceptions.

It's not like this prophetic advice has been unclear or gray, and once we as parents begin "making exceptions", however good the reasons might seem, to following prophetic counsel ESPECIALLY with our children, then we wander down a slope that's difficult to climb back up. Morally there's really no difference between what you're discussing and

"it's OK to drink a little champagne because it's my friend's wedding toast"

"it's not really gambling because it's just poker with my friends"

"it's no big deal to skip sacrament meeting because, after all, how often do the Chargers make the Super Bowl"

Prom is a date.

I know it.

You know it.

And your boy knows it.

No matter how many ways we try to tweak it so it's OK, it's still a date.

It's easy to be a disciple of Christ when our faith and principles aren't being tested, but the true witness comes when we stand up for what's right when so much around us is telling us that it's OK to sit down, just this once.

"Almost" is not close enough any more for dating than it is to say that the day BEFORE the Temple is close enough to your Sealing to . . . do what we're supposed to wait until we're married to do.

Your son sounds like a good guy; teach him that there's honor and respect in always choosing the right.

And fun.

As an alternative to the Prom, why not host a Group Game Night or Video Party at your home for you son, his Girl Buddy, and all the other kids that don't get invited or aren't old enough to go to the dance?

Then they can have fun, be safe, be together as a group, and still be doing the right thing.

- Bro Jo

PS - Give my best to your family!