The Pain of Loss

Dear Bro Jo,

My Godson just died.

I have a strong testimony of the Atonement, and of the plan of happiness, I really do. I just don't understand why then it hurts so much that he died... why I'm so lost.

I love knowing of the Atonement because now, I know that he won't have to be raised by a young single mom, but by an eternally married couple in the CK, but I'm still so sad, and it feels like my heart has been ripped out and torn to pieces.

What can I do to make this horrible pain go away?

He wasn't legally my son yet, I shouldn't be feeling like this... How can I make it just stop?

Thanks!

"Les Peches"



Cher Peches,

My heart is with you at this time of loss and pain.

It's OK, even good, to be sad. Even though you have a strong testimony, and you know that you'll get to see him again, you miss him . . . and you love him . . . that's why it hurts so bad.

I don't have a way to make the pain go away, and I'm not certain that it ever will completely vanish . . . but it will probably lesson with time.

That won't mean that you miss or love him less, but as time marches on you'll be better equipped to deal with the loss.

And some days will be better than others.

Sister Jo and I almost lost a child to a drowning accident eight years ago. He survived, but it was a very personal and traumatic experience (I pulled him out of the water and Sister Jo resuscitated him then he was life-flighted to a children's hospital). I couldn't watch movies where someone drowned or nearly drowned without breaking down for a couple years. Even now it's still a bit difficult. But it's better than it was.

I know that's not exactly the same thing, but I think it has a parallel.

Other than time, the only other thing I can think of the help is something you've already realized: the value of gratitude. I know it can be difficult, especially in times like these, but keep finding the things for which you can be grateful. Whether it's the knowledge of Heavenly Father's Plan of Happiness, or that today the son shone to warm the earth or the rain fell to water to help things grow.

Gratitude is a matter of perspective.

And just know that, as you rediscover joy, you will be honoring your loved one because, even though they miss us, too, they want us to be happy.

- Bro Jo