The Power of Faith

Dear Bro Jo,

Hi, I really, really need help now. I was looking for advice from someone who is a member of the church and I believe you can help me, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!! help me.

I was born in an LDS family. I consider myself to be a very good person who had always tried to do my best and keep the commandments.

I served on a mission and put a lot of effort on it. I´m having a really hard time now. Here is my case.

I returned from my mission one and a half years ago. I started dating a girl, this girl is amazing, I love her with all my heart!!! We had been on a relationship when we were 13 and 12, we were very young and we had always liked each other practically all of our life.

Then we broke up.

Some years later I knew she still was in love with me, but I didn´t want to start a relationship with her again until one and a half years ago, when I returned from the mission. In the beginning of our relationship I wasn´t that in love with her as I should have been. She was deeply in love with me at that time, but I wasn´t.

So, I treated her bad and behaved very rude with her, mainly because I was reading some eBooks that claimed they could teach me how to create attraction in women and all of them said that women love rude men, game playing guys, and indifferent guys so I started acting this way to "keep her attracted to me", because I was starting to fall in love with her, because she is so amazing.

So she thought I am a bad person, and I actually hurt her feelings, because I actually believed in those authors who only made me look like a bad option for her.

Now she sees me as a bad member of the Church, and thinks I´m a rude person who treated her bad. But I think she tolerated all of this because she could see deep inside of me that it wasn´t really me, not the "me" she used to know.

Another thing is that we broke the law of chastity and hadn´t repented until now. We´re in the process, but some days before starting the process we broke up, because she was sick of me wanting to break the law of chastity again and again, so she finally decided to break with me.

I believe she is a very good girl and I believe we were so into one another that we committed this sin, I´m not trying to justify myself, but I´m only trying to say that she was really in love with me, because I believe she could have never done that with someone else.

Now, she had a boyfriend who treated her very well and who always was nice with her. This guy went to his mission and returned one month ago, I was very jealous because she was acting very strange, then she broke up with me and is in love with this guy again, she isn´t dating him, but I know she still likes him.

I may sound very narcissist, but I believe she likes me more than this guy, because I tried to convince her that I would change and that it wasn´t me and I really I´m a guy who was the rest of my life a very nice guy, very polite and very obedient, but she saw the worst part of me. I´m repented, honestly I am.

And I love this girl with all my heart and I know she still feels something for me, because I´ve been trying to convince her that we are back together again, and she says she loves me and if I say something nice or sweet she cries and hugs me and lets me kiss her, but she doesn´t want us to be together again and if I call her or text message her she doesn´t answer.

What can I do to show her I am not the person she thinks I am?

Other people tell her I am that person too, but I am not.

What can I do to get my reputation again?

Can I do it fast?

Does she still love me?

PLEASE HELP ME, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!!! I LOVE HER SO MUCH!!!

- No Name


Dear NN,

It's been a while since you wrote this letter, before I responded I thought I should ask where things stand with this woman now?

- Bro Jo


Dear Bro Jo,

Hi!!!

Well, things with (name withheld), she has started a new relationship with that guy I told you about. I´ve talked to her, but she insists we hurt each other and that we weren’t happy and that we should know other people and be happy, she thinks I´m telling people we broke the law of chastity (because people who don’t like to see other people happy are telling her false things about me), but I´m not telling this.

I´ve talked about it just with people I trust most, but she thinks I´m looking for revenge. I´m behaving very well, praying a lot, keeping the commandments, reading the scriptures, serving, fasting, and taking psycological therapy.

I think I´m improving a lot, but just can’t find someone like her.

And we don’t see each other, so I guess she doesn’t know about my change of heart, but well, I´m happy to do the right things even though she doesn’t know, I’m happy to know my Father in Heaven knows.

- NN


Dear NN,

Good for you!

One of the things I've learned coaching and playing sports is that there's no use in getting upset about things over which you have no control.  I'm sorry she's not the girl for you; I know you wish she was, and I understand.

I dated a couple girls that I thought were "the one" (back when I believed there was a "one") before I finally met and fell in love with the girl we now call Sister Jo . . .

The point is, as much as you think this girl is it, she's clearly not.  Chin up.  Move on.  Go out and find someone who will love you for who you are now, not hold against you past sins.

After all, let he who is without sin . . . well, you get the idea.

God Bless,

- Bro Jo

PS:  You're not alone.  Check out the Dear Bro Jo Discussion Board on the Facebook Fan Page.  If you click HERE it will take you to our Break Up Stories.