Dear Bro Jo,
I wanted some advice on this situation I'm in. I hope you can help! Here goes!
I work at a bakery next door to a Mexican restaurant. A lot of times my coworkers and I will quickly go next door and order some Mexican food to-go, and then eat it back at our work. Recently, one of the guys who works next door has showed some interest in me. But I definitely do NOT feel the same way. I'm about to turn 20 and he's 35!! We haven't really talked much, but he doesn't know English very well, so it's hard to talk at all to him.
He wrote me a note telling me that he likes me, and wants to take me out to coffee sometime; he wrote his cell number down too. I haven't been over to the restaurant for a couple days since this has happened. I think it's really weird that he's so much older than me, and I don't think he's a member of the church (especially if he's asking me out to coffee).
I don't want to go out with him, but I don't know how to tell him this. Or if I should tell him. He didn't really ask me out, he just expressed the desire to do so, expecting me to call him.
Point-blank: What do I do??!!
--Creeped-Out Almost Non-Teen
Dear Creeped-Out,
So . . . what is it?
That he's 35?
That he's from a different country?
That he likes you?!?
Look, you don't have to say anything yet. Simply not going to the restaurant may help.
Or it may just delay the inevitable (him asking you on a date).
When he does (and I'm honestly not sure if he will - he seems determined but the note seems a touch more cowardly than romantic . . .) that's when you need to say something.
And what you say should go like this: "Thank you, but no."
And that's it.
Don't embellish. Don't apologize. Don't try to make him feel better. Just say no.
Now he'll probably push for a reason.
We guys are dumb that way.
We think that if you tell us why we can fix the problem.
So when he pushes, do both of you a favor, and tell him "you seem to be a nice guy, and I'm flattered, but I just don't feel that way about you". Don't give him something to fix.
And don't suggest that the two of you should "just be friends" - as a guy he knows that's impossible.
Don't make an excuse like "I can't because I've got something else to do" - because we guys just here that as "but after I've washed my hair every day for the next four years I may change my mind about you so please keep hitting on me".
Bro Jo's Five Be's of turning someone down:
Be honest. Be simple. Be clear. Be direct. Be kind.
And you can't run away from every creepy guy that may like you. I'm not saying to date them, Heavens No!
No girl should date a guy that honestly freaks her out.
It's just that you should be allowed to eat at any decent place you want to.
Plus, let's face it, there's just too many creepy guys to hide from them all.
- Bro Jo
It's interesting, I've had many a creeper. Not fun. Don't be worried about the entire age thing, many other countries really don't have the same age guidelines that Americans do.
ReplyDeleteBut, communication is ALWAYS the key. If you aren't interested, just day no you aren't interested (with a smile). Don't be too kind because then they think you are just waiting to be asked by them again.
And Bro Jo is right about the "after I washed my hair" comment. My mom told my dad she was busy for a long time after his first try to ask her on a date. He just kept waiting until she said yes. :) The difference, my mom kept telling him maybe later. But, I'm glad he did! ;)