Drop Him

Dear Bro Jo,

I love reading all your stuff! and I believe you can help me . . . I have a problem . . . I'm almost 17 and have had my fair share of dates in the past year.

I went to EFY at the end of July and met this boy... let’s call him Night.

Well we hung out immediately the following week and went on three dates: double, single, then a group date. We got really close and told each other everything. Well I found out that back in May he and his friends were playing cops and robbers and robbed someone.

He, along with his friends, got charged with aggravated robbery... and he has a probation officer. Well at the time I didn't know what aggravated robbery was, and he is a good kid, has his mind set on a mission, temple marriage, etc., and is working on it with a Bishop. He just made a bad decision.

So I kinda pushed it to the back of my mind and my parents were out of town so I hadn't told them yet.... so we kept dating and we didn't have the title of boyfriend and girlfriend, because I don't want an actual boyfriend. But we liked each other a lot and pretty much acted like we were together...

Well my parents came back to town and I told them . . . and they told me what aggravated robbery was . . . knowing that it involves a gun that made me nervous

My parents told me to pray and fast about what to do. I did and I had a feeling I needed to break it off... so I did.

Well he understood, and I told him i still had really strong feelings for him.. it’s not like I stopped liking him.. it was just for the best.. and I HOPE and THINK he understood that... and we talked about if he stayed out of trouble and got off probation we maybe could bring up dating again.

Neither of us have ever had a boyfriend or girlfriend... but we both had dated a lot... and never met anyone like each other. He is one of those guys that just has all the qualities and standards that I have set since I was little... and he has treated me better than any boy ever had in the past.. I have liked boys... but not like I have like Night.

Well since I broke it off I miss him like crazy... and its been hard... with the new school year started I am meeting new boys... but i still think about him a lot.. We still talk and are trying to stay friends but since he goes to another school it become difficult... i don't want to abandon him like a lot of people have because if his mistake in the past. But it seems he almost hates me now... I told him I missed him a lot...and all he said was 'haha' and that has happened on multiple occasions... I care about him SO MUCH!!! And I don't want to lose him... but I'm afraid I am... HELP!

What should I do?

I need some advice on the whole situation.

Thanks!

- Strugglin'



Dear Struggling,

Lose him like a rabbit running from wolves.

Drop him like a hot rock.

Run away, Huck Finn.

There are so many red flags in your letter I don't know as I can count them all.

No one wakes up one day and says "hey, buddies, wouldn't it be funny if we robbed someone at gun point?"

IF this story is true, and I'm not sure it is, there's way more wrong with this guy than you know.

If it's not, then there's way more wrong with this guy than you know.

Either way he hasn't been real honest with you, and that is a red flag that should never be ignored.

I don't know how physical things got with this guy, but I have a suspicion that you two did a little more than just pal around. Go back and read what you wrote! You may not have labeled your relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend, but that's exactly what you were. Three dates in one week?!? Come on! That's not Casual; that's Serious. And a serious mistake at that Like you said: you acted like you were together.

.

[Semi-related tangent time: shame on your parents for leaving their 16-year old daughter at home and dating guys they don't know while they left town. Seriously, the group of you need to review my "Bro Jo's Dating Rules for Teens". You, young lady, need to be on a bit tighter leash.]

And you need to see the signs: the Spirit prompted you to break it off, but you keep fighting that prompting. THAT is a recipe for disaster.

You said you've dated a lot; good for you! Keep it up. Just with other guys than this one. It's not like you're hurting for attention or date opportunities; move on.

And, please please please, realize that "Guys can't stay just close friends with girls", no matter how far apart your schools are.

It was a fling; consider it flung.

Hopefully you've learned something.

When a good deal of time has passed, if he really does serve an honorable mission, and if you're still single when he comes back . . . well, let's cross that bridge when we get to it.

- Bro Jo

PS: One more flag not to ignore is that you said you were "afraid"; no girl should stay in any situation with a boy if she fears, even if the fear is losing him.