Warning Signs

Dear Bro Jo

First of all I want to thank you again for all the work that you do and put into the articles. Your responses have always put a clearer view on things for me.

I'm having difficulty determining whether or not to trust a guy I've been talking to. My best friend started talking to this guy (we'll call him Jake) a couple months ago. We had both met him at a YSA dance.

He's a convert to the church, 26, very nice. She and he spoke on the phone all the time for about a week. He asked her out on a date and she said yes.

Heres where it get complicated. Between him asking her out and the evening they had planned on a girl we weren't too familiar with from church started talking to my friend as well. She said he couldn't be trusted and copied and pasted conversations she had had with him to prove it. When confronted with it he also copied and pasted conversations he'd had with her.

Only they didn't match up. Parts were left out. We weren't sure which one of them to trust, so my friend decided to cancel the date just to be on the safe side. Well a couple of weeks ago this guy starts talking to me on facebook. He seems really nice and we've talked on the phone a few times. The only thing I really didn't find too appealing was the fact that he has no off switch to his flirting.

After talking a few times he asked if I wanted to see a movie with him. I said sure and then called my friend. She told me to be careful and not get too attached to him. She still didn't trust him. Anyway, something came up and we weren't able to make it on our date. We continued to talk to eachother like normal.

Then one day I'm sitting in a baptism. I forgot to turn off my phone and it started vibrating. I saw it was Jake calling so I turned it on silent and ignored it. I left the phone on my lap after that and he proceeded to call me 5 times in a row. I started to get a little concerned. I didn't think he would call me in an emergency so I decided I would wait till the end of the baptism and call him back.

I did and when I found out it wasn't an emergency I thought of how my friend didn't trust him and I got a little scared and angry. I told him that I was angry and that I didn't think calling me 5 times in a row was very cute behavior. He said he only did that because I had called him 5 times in a row and hung up. My phone has no record of calling him though. So I decided not to talk to him for a couple days and to try to decide whether or not he could be trusted.

I prayed about it but still wasn't sure. He started up a chat with me on facebook and started telling me how I make his days better and how I have an energy of joy, etc. and that God is so proud of me. I thought that was one heck of a compliment. But i'm still not sure how I feel about him or if I should even be his friend for that matter.

Any advice or your thoughts on this matter would be greatly appreciated. I need some unbiased opinions. I can't talk to my friend because shes made up her mind about him.

Thank you soo much!

Trust Issues



Dear Trust,

I have very little tolerance for dishonesty (or incompetence, but that we'll save for another time).

Usually when one girl tells another girl to stay away from a guy, whether she's been involved with him or not, there's typically an ulterior motive or some sort of reality-bending bias, and her advice should be taken with a grain of salt.

But this guy's behavior seems erratic and irritating.

I have no problem with the flirting, sort of. People often cross the line to where "flirting" is just obnoxious or creepy; it's like they're too horny and can't shut it off.

But what I really have a problem with is him saying you called him when you clearly didn't, and his irrational and immature response when you told him how you felt about his repeated calls. He should have apologized, not lied and hung up.

If you letter had ended with your friend's experience, I would have said that I thought she jumped the gun by cancelling her date . . .

And, you know, in general I tell gals that they should go out when asked . . .

But I draw the line at guys that are scary, creepy, or deranged, and this bubba sounds like he may just be all of the above.

Too many fish in the sea.

Stop chatting with him on Facebook and via text. Be polite, but increase the distance between you.

Compliments aren't enough to make up for what this dude is lacking.

I think you need to see the warning signs, and if you can't trust him at least trust what the Spirit has been telling you.

- Bro Jo