Dear Bro Jo,
I was reading the discussion board on your facebook page, and I just want to ask a little more about "the game"...
I met a guy recently who asked for my number, and we got along extremely well, and all was going great. We'd message each other, he was there for me during some rough patches (I've just moved away to University) and he'd tell me I was beautiful and amazing etc. Then he started going a bit silent, and I was putting in all the effort, initiating conversation and everything. We'd be texting back and forth, but if he didn't want to reply to something specific I'd said, he'd just stop. Completely ignore me until the next time conversation sparked up, maybe a day or two after.
I was trying to be 'forward', saying "you're going to take me on a date, right?" (Which, by the way, HE had suggested FIRST, but had never followed through on) and now I think I've scared him off. I asked him about a party he was having, and he said he didn't want me to come and be disappointed because he's not as amazing as i think he is. Also, he said that when he'd realized how great I was, he remembered he'd be going on a mission next year and couldn't date me seriously. So what, don't date me at all? I'm just completely confused as to his intentions and his honesty. I want to believe him, but it's all highly convenient.
As it happens, I did go to his party (3 hours' drive away) and 95% of his guests were girls, many of whom obviously 'like' him. He talks the way he talked with me to many girls, yet it seems like I'm the only one who's completely hung up about him and not getting anywhere. He asks other girls on dates. His best friend was at his party, and said "Oh, so you're Emily." All I said back was "yes," but I in my head I was thinking 'is the fact that he knows me a good or a bad thing?!'
Have I just got an unhealthy outlook on dating/flirting? Am I going about things the wrong way? It started out so great! Is he playing a game? I'M GOING CRAZY, HERE! :S
- Crazy
Dear Crazy,
Is this the same guy you wrote me about 10 days ago? Where you said you "feel pathetic and obsessive. I'm checking his facebook page every 5 minutes, my phone every 5 seconds. I'm in absolute despair that he's offering to take other girls out on dates when he once promised me the same thing and it never happened"
- Bro Jo
Bro Jo,
Yeah, it is. I felt slightly less pathetic when I explained myself a bit more.
- Crazy
Dear Crazy,
Fair enough.
I don't know that you did anything to scare him off . . . that is until you drove three hours to attend a party that you weren't invited to. Yikes!
You mentioned before that he's less than a year out from serving a mission, it sounds to me like he's sowing some latter-day oats (that's where a pre-mi goes around dating / kissing / flirting as much as possible, often trying to line up as many mission-letter-writers as he can before he goes) and you've gotten swept up in it.
The comment from the room-mate in conjunction with the non-invite implies that the boy didn't want you to know what he's doing, perhaps because he thinks you're special, or perhaps because he just flat out didn't want you to know what a weasel his other face is. It's not "good or bad", but it is a warning. Clearly, though, you need to perform a little preemptive surgery; it doesn't sound to me like this guy is a great as you thought, or as interested in you as you thought. They can't all be gems.
Besides, he's leaving soon and you should be focusing on guys that are available. Let him sow his oats, just don't be one of them.
- Bro Jo
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