Ready to Date

Dear Bro Jo,

I am seventeen-and-a-half, and have just started university. I've moved to a new city and everything. I have never been on a date. Up until quite recently I was sure I had no desire to date--I went to an all-girls school and everything. However now I'm in a Hall of Residence at the university, and half the constituent are boys, something I've never really had to deal with before. I'm in a non-drinking area, and I myself was very surprised to find out that all the boys on my floor have very strong morals. None of them are LDS, of course; in New Zealand very few people are. It's certainly no Utah.

My problem is, I do want to date now. I just have no idea how. There aren't any decent and moral boys in my new ward, and I figure that it would be fun to hang out with some of the guys and girls on my floor in group dates, or even fun "just-hanging" kind of relaxed one-on-one dates. I just have no idea of how to approach this issue. I kind of like one of the guys in particular but I have no idea of what to do. Is it even alright to date a non-member? My mum used to make fun of me because I didn't want to date--now that I do I realize I wasn't really listening to what she was saying. I've had so many conflicting views from leaders and friends, I'm quite lost as to what I should do.

from,

Please Help



Dear PH,

From 16 until adulthood what we should do is Casual Group Dating, that's where we go on group dates with a bunch of friends. At that point it's not crucial that the people we go out with be members, just that everyone follow the Dating Rules.

Once we're adults and have reached the point in life where we should focus on getting Sealed for Time and All Eternity it's time to do what I call "Serious Single Dating". That kind of dating is one-on-one, and since the focus is finding someone to marry, in my opinion it's pointless to date outside of one's faith.

Now you, my friend, are in an interesting situation. To my mind, even though you're at university, you're not quite an adult yet or ready for Serious Single Dating. So I think you should go on some Casual Group Dates. Get a group of these good guys and good girls together, perhaps for a BBQ or game night, and bring up the idea of Casual Group Dating (including the notion that the guys are supposed to set them up) and see what happens. Might not hurt to mention that you'd like to go on some dates to get some dating experience without fear of anything being too serious.

- Bro Jo