Can a Victim of Rape and Abuse Ever Trust Enough to Find Love? - Part 4

[Dear Readers,

The writer in this series has endured some pretty bad experiences with guys.  So bad, that one can understand why she has trust issues and why those issues have her concerned that she may never meet a man she trusts enough to marry.  So she starts by asking what will be the Eternal Consequences for her if she doesn't get married in this life.

But the emails reveal other concerns as well.

Below is Part 4.  

Part 5 will post next Monday.

Please keep your comments sensitive to her situation and experiences.

 - Bro Jo]



Dear Bro Jo,

I apologize it’s taken me so long to reply.

I took an internship out of the country and didn’t have access to my email.

Which I think, in a way, has been a good thing because it has allowed me to maul things over.

You’re right. I am wrong.

No I wouldn’t turn the other cheek if I witnessed someone else being abused.

But I don’t know if I could go gouge their eyes out or something like that to defend the other person.

That being said, I haven’t yet witnessed that, I’ve only experienced it, so I couldn’t tell you how I would react.

You’re correct; I do believe things are my fault.

But you have to understand the mindset behind it.

If I had listened to the Holy Ghost the night I was raped it would not have happened.

And I can’t tell you how much I wish I had listened and not blown it off, maybe I believed it was just my mind and me thinking.

But to be honest with you that’s just an excuse.

If I had listened, it would not have happened and that Brother Johnson is my fault.

The choice of those brethren that night was awful and has caused me much emotional turmoil and distortion but if I had made a better choice, it would be different.

I agree, maybe seeing a professional couldn’t hurt.

But I do not trust my Bishop.

You have to first understand, I belong to a Deaf ward even though I am hearing. I love deaf culture, I really do.

However, Deaf culture is very different from hearing culture. It’s much more open. Everyone knows everything about everyone. That’s just how the culture is.

Deaf people do not trust hearing people, and with my experience things that I had confided in the Bishop previously had gotten out, and the deaf community was aware of the situation, even though it wasn’t anything bad at all, it still made me feel uneasy about ever confiding in him again.

He is called of God and I do believe that, his counsel is from God, but because of culture he is more open to discussion at the dinner table.

(PS, I know it was him who told members of the ward because he apologized to me later.)

As for a psychologist, I’m worried that they care more about getting paid then helping me.

My opinion.

You have to understand, this is a subject that is really, really difficult to talk about to someone. Even emailing you causes me some anxiety due to flashbacks.

So along with trust problems I guess I’m just afraid.

Yes, I have told someone, but it’s hard.

And trusting someone to really help me is hard. I don’t know if that makes sense. It’s just a difficult situation and something I would never wish on someone else.

Thankyou!

- NW

PS. I apologize this has turned into a "woe is me" session, I honestly was just curious about a gospel principal. I know you have much better things to do, but thank you for your time.




*** Several Months Later ***


Dear Little Sister,

Did you ever get help?

 - Bro Jo


Dear Bro Jo,

I'm working on it.

- NW


Dear Little Sister,

What does that mean?

  - Bro Jo



Dear Bro Jo,

I haven't found someone that I trust and like yet, so I'm still looking for a good counselor. I really am trying. I'm just funny about trust and people.

But I've been praying about it and I'll find someone.

- NW


Dear Little Sister,

Did you ever go talk to your Bishop?

 - Bro Jo


Dear Bro Jo,

No.

- NW


Dear Little Sister,

You need to.

Or at least your Stake President.

Prayer is good, but we also need to take action.

Oh, and two more things:

  1. I learned Sign Language, went to a "no hearing camp" and was a tour guide for non-hearing kids a couple times. So I know a little bit about the culture.

  2. While listening to the Spirit might have kept you from being raped, failing to heed that prompting does not make the rape your fault.

 - Bro Jo



Dear Bro Jo,

I just don't understand what they can do for me. I've told people. I'm seeking professional help.

I feel like dragging more individuals into it makes me more vulnerable.

I'm glad you have an understanding of the culture. It's an amazing culture and I am so blessed to be a part of it, but there are no secrets.

I know it's not, but it sure feels like it.

- NW



Dear Little Sister,

Your Bishop and Stake President can help you find the professional help you need.

That's why they're there.

You won't be "dragging" them into anything.


(Joke from non-hearing camp: "Deaf people can't keep secrets because it's not like you can sign quieter!")


I pray that you'll find the peace and joy that Heavenly Father has planned for you, and I believe that, with His help, and with time, you will learn to trust others again; and, perhaps more importantly, you'll be able to know whom to trust and whom not to.

I pray for your safety.

And I hope that, if it's God's will (and I think it is), one day you'll find someone to spend Time and All Eternity with.

I also hope you'll seek the help you need to heal, and I want you to know that if you ever need to vent, cry, joke or chat, I'm here for you.

God bless,


 - Bro Jo