In Your Dreams

Dear Bro Jo,

So I had a thing with this guy (we’ll call him Jake) and I was frankly very rude to him. (This was when I was a sophomore, he was a junior. Now he’s heading off to college and I’ll be a senior.)

I blew him off; I just wasn’t ready for the type of (in-lack-of-a-better-word) love he wanted to give me.

He’s a super-Mormon guy. He’s nice to everyone, respects women, and is just all around a great guy. I ended up hitting on his best friend who ended up being a jerk. I went just a little too far with his friend (who is Mormon, too, btw). But no worries, I repented and I’m good now!

It’s been about a year and a half, and Jake is now just starting to talk to me normally. I really hurt his feelings.

Last week at girls camp, I made fairly good friends with his mom, who Jake is very close with. We talked last night at a Stake dance normally. I miss him so much!!

My question is, would it be okay to ask him on a date?

Like a double date before he goes to college?

I want to at least be on good terms with him. I really like him. He never asked me to slow dance last night; I think he’s afraid of getting hurt. He’s a very sensitive guy, and he really put out his feelings when I first met him.

I blew him off though and boy do I regret it!

I miss him.

Thanks,

Name Withheld

(P.S. Bonus question: Same guy as above (Jake) I had a dream about him about a week ago. I don’t know what to think of it, but my mom said it was beautiful. I was walking down a gravel-ly mountain with two Mormon friends on each side. One friend who moved away about three years ago and the other one I’ve been BFF’s with since diapers but is now struggling with depression. I kept falling down the mountain when Jake all of a sudden rushed over to help me. I wasn’t wearing pants and was embarrassed but he didn’t care. I suggested we go over to the grassy side of the mountain and he agreed. It was easier for me to walk there. About half-way down he stopped and kissed me. I blushed and said he shouldn’t love me. He said he knew, but he did anyways. We continued down and when we reached the bottom, my friend with the depression problems handed me pants. Then I woke up. Any thoughts?)



Dear NW,

No, you should not ask him on a date.

No matter how guilty you feel.

You shouldn't be asking guys on dates anyway, but doing so to just try and make yourself feel better or mend what you did in the past is even more wrong.

What you SHOULD do is apologize. That's what we do when we hurt people's feelings or behave badly. Apologies are best in person (which I think should be required except in very rare circumstances).

If you want to make a treat and or a card to go along with the apology, that's fine. 

And maybe appropriate.

Now, if you want him to take you out (and please understand that my advice to guys once they've turned in their mission papers is to stop dating and focus on the mish) then you could invite him to ask you . . .

"Please accept my apology. I hope someday you'll consider asking me on a date; I'd love to go out with you."

Okay. Perhaps more flowery than that. But you get the idea.

As for your dream . . . I don't read too much into dreams. I think too many people, ESPECIALLY LATTER-DAY SAINTS, make too much out of dreams.

Most dreams are not prophetic, very rarely do they contain personal revelation, and never do they contain revelation for anything or anyone that exceeds our keys or stewardship.

I think, in a very non-scientific way, that dreams are our way of working things out that we're dealing with when we're awake.

You are thinking about making things right with this guy and he showed up in your dream. Kissing someone in a dream, even when you're not embarrassed to not be wearing pants, does not necessarily mean that you're in love with them.

Or that he's in love with you.

It was a pleasant dream that is inspiring you to do the right thing. It isn't, nor does it need to be, anything more than that.

 - Bro Jo