Does Marriage Kill Romance?

Dear Bro Jo,

I'm getting married soon, and while I'm ridiculously excited, I'm also a little scared.

That's normal right?

We're getting married in the Draper temple in a few months and everything is falling into place and everything is so awesome and new and exciting right now, but sometimes I still get nervous and scared. I mean, this is a pretty big step.

And I have no idea what to expect.

Everyone always says that these super lovey-dovey feelings I have are going to wear off, and that it's going to stop being fun soon and so many older couples I've talked to seem to have such negative opinions about marriage.

And it's really scaring me.

Because I don't ever want to feel that way about my fiancée.

I want to always hold him to this standard and love him the way I do now. Is it such a ridiculous notion to think that I can be happy with him forever?

Maybe I'm just surrounded by cynics, but I just don't want to end up like these older couples I know (my parents, his parents, my friends parents, etc) that have lost that... special something, I guess.

I'm not even sure what my question is.

I guess I just want reassurance or maybe advice on how to make this marriage and love that I have for my fiancee last.

You and Sis Jo seem to still be going pretty strong and still be really happy together. How do you do it?

What should I do in three months when I start married life to make sure that we're a couple that's going to last forever?

Sincerely,

Apprehensive




Dear Apprehensive,

Congratulations!

I love being married to Sister Jo.

Do we still cuddle on the sofa and make out in the grocery store?

No.

Well . . . not nearly as much as we used to . . . (don't tell our kids!)

But she holds my arm everywhere we walk, and we kiss hello and good bye every time, and I open every door she comes to (unless one of my boys beats me to it).

And all of that is wonderful.

But we've been together now for well over 20 years, and so our relationship has SO MUCH more to it than that. (And, boy, am I grateful!)

The kissy-cuddle years are great (and never totally go away . . . for some people), but the raising a family, going on trips and to the Temple together, having someone you can depend on and care for and who will do the same for you years are even better!

A good marriage, a good Eternal Marriage, is a blessing to which no other blessings can compare.

No, not every day is dancing trees and singing flowers . . . but that's true of life anyway.

The Four Keys to a Good Marriage are:

1.  Communicate

2.  Appreciate

3.  Respect

 and

4.  Endure


Life is about selfless service, and working hard at your marriage is worth every effort you give.

Enjoy this honeymoon phase. Don't worry about it going away. Focus instead on loving your Eternal Companion and letting your companion love you.

Things will not always be the same, but change isn't about losing something, it's part of something Good growing into something GREAT!

Wishing you every happiness, and the ability to endure the trials and overcome the challenges it takes to get them,

- Bro Jo