Dear Bro Jo,
Hey Bro Jo :)
I'm at BYU-I right now, but this isn't a boy-girl relationship dilemma!
There's a girl a couple dorms down who I have become friends with. We have science together, and since we found out we've been walking together and sitting by each other.
I don't know this girl super well, but she's comfortable with me and she's said some things that have made me feel like she needs a little extra boost of encouragement.
She has a very difficult time making friends because she's socially awkward. She's really caring and nice, but she also has this habit of being very openly degrading towards herself.
I think these feelings stem from her family life where her father isn't very kind to her or to her mother (apparently he doesn't like girls much and only got married to have sons--and according to her; her mother can attest to this).
From what she's said, I don't think her father is physically or sexually abusive, but she does have emotional (for lack of a better word) difficulties. She told me a few days ago that she has been having troubles with her roommates because she doesn't feel as if any of them like her, and that she wishes that she could have more real friends.
She's had people "pretend" to be her friend by being nice to her, but they've ditched her shortly afterwards. I can understand that since she can be very clingy, which can be very overwhelming to people who just want to be nice to a girl who needs it.
I've been thinking about what I can do to help this girl, but I would like to get your insights.
I know I can't change her attitude, but I do believe that, as a friend who does care about her, I can have an influence. I believe in the worth of souls, and I've been blessed with the ability help others see their strengths and feel loved as well. I've been considering sending her conference talks to read, and of course praying for her.
Maybe I should talk to her and bear testimony of the love Heavenly Father and the Savior have for her?
Anyways, having talked to and helping tons of youth, I would very much appreciate your ideas!
Thank you for your time and love!
Friend at the Y of I
Dear Friend,
Thank you.
Thank you for who you are and what you're trying to do.
A little social awkwardness is okay, so long as it's not crippling (and this may just have crossed that line).
IF she wants to make some new good friends and expand her circle (the emphasis is intentional), then there are some things you can do to help.
One thing is to include other people in the things you and she do together.
Time where just the two of you can bond is great, but she'll need opportunities to get to know other people, too. And they'll need to get to know her.
Game nights, movie parties, going to a fireside . . . there are tons of things that the two of you can do together and in a larger group that will give her some more social opportunities.
You can also seek out her talents and opportunities for her to use and be appreciated for those talents.
As she gains confidence in what the Lord has given her, she'll likely open up a little and feel more comfortable around other people.
Just remember, as you do all of this, that ultimately she needs to be loved for who she is, not what you or I or someone else wants her to be.
And Be Patient. Love isn't rushed; like change, it happens at it's own pace.
God bless,
- Bro Jo
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