Does Telling Guys About Her Future Mission Plans Make Her Undatable?

Dear Bro Jo,

I just had a quick question of advice for you.

So for starters I am a girl and I have decided to serve a mission.

I will turn in my papers in November, but won't leave till at least April when I will finish up one more semester of school.

But I don't necessarily want to stop dating, just in case something might happen between now and then.

I am open for that, if that's what presents itself.

Now, my question, how can I tell guys that I am planning on serving a mission without them then avoiding me like the plague?

As this is how it seems to happen.

They suddenly lose their interest and stop trying once they find out.

Should I just not tell them?

Or is there a way I can say it that will let them know I am open to still date?

Thanks in advance!

- M




Dear M,

I think that, just like I tell the guys, once you send in your papers you should stop dating.  Once that's done, what's the point?

For girls this is a little bit more of a gray area, since boys are commanded to go and for girls we acknowledge that marriage and motherhood is a "higher calling", and it's accepted for a girl to Not Accept a call that's given if while waiting someone has proposed (bet you didn't know that), but I'm kind of on the side of "make a commitment, keep a commitment".

Maybe you should wait a little longer to turn in your papers . . . like, I don't know, February?

Calls now usually arrive just a couple weeks after electronic submission and missionaries are usually reporting 8-14 weeks after receiving the call . . . (there are obviously exceptions to both of those) . . . so if you can't go until April, early next year should be fine.

Look, we really can't blame guys for not wanting to spend time and money wooing a woman who has no intention of marrying any time soon, right?

(Related Tangent:  Sister Jo says that many, many young women scare off lots of potential Serious Single Dates by constantly talking about things they want to delay marriage for; mission, school, being older . . . whatever it may be.  She says that while a girl shouldn't lie or mislead, it's also true that girl - who, let's face it, is often making those announcements to either drive guys away to make herself feel better just in case she doesn't get asked out as much as she thinks she should - may in fact be cheating herself out of a loving eternal marriage for a much longer time than she realizes.  Food for thought.)

With all of that, I think if you do continue dating, honesty is the best policy . . . but there's no need to tell every guy everything that you may ever plan to do, no matter how soon, on the first couple dates.

- Bro Jo




Dear Bro Jo,

Thank you for your quick response, Bro Jo!

It was perfect. And gives me quite a bit to think about and consider these next few months.

Thanks again.

 - M




Dear M,

Anytime!

Keep us posted whatever you happen to choose, will ya?

- Bro Jo