Things to know

Regularly read by 50,000+ readers in over 140 countries around the world, "Dear Bro Jo" is published every Monday, Wednesday and Friday (with occasional additional posts, too).

This is column is just one guy's opinion, and while he does his best to keep what he thinks, says and writes in-line with the Gospel of Jesus Christ, Bro Jo is not a spokesman or authority for the LDS Church. (And Sister Jo thinks you should know that he's sometimes wrong, and often way too opinionated for his own good.)

Nothing here is meant to take the place of talking with parents, leaders, or Church authorities. Please, if you need serious help, talk to a trusted adult, leader, and / or professional counselor.

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Friday, August 30, 2013

Quick Advice About Dating in College

Dear Bro Jo,

In need of advice if you don't mind.

BYU-Idaho is right around the corner any advice on dating in college?

My friends say I'll be married in a year but I don't want to get married yet!

Or any advice on college in general!?

Hope you're doing well!!!

- M




Dear M,

Yeah.

1. Don't worry about your friends teasing you.  It'll happen when it happens; and when it does you'll be ready.

2. Don't go into college being too uptight about getting married, neither for nor against.

3. Be social; go on all the dates you can; study hard; pray often; read your scriptures; attend Church meetings; help other people; and Have Fun!

- Bro Jo

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Getting a Guy NOT to Cal You

Dear Bro Jo,

I'm 17 years old and I've got this friend... I met him at EFY two years ago.

We've stayed in contact and talked a good bit through Facebook, and I've seen him in person a couple of times as well.

I started catching on to the fact that he liked me as more than friends a while ago, but it didn't really bother me until I realized that I really just didn't feel the same way.

I started pulling back, and not talking to him as much because I didn't want to give the wrong impression or lead him on (that's happened to me before and it's not fun).

The trouble is, I think it's only made him try harder. He's started calling me instead of just chatting with me on Facebook, saying he isn't really into the whole texting thing and etc..

I'm not opposed to talking versus texting, in fact, you sort of have to have something more than words on a screen to get to know someone on a higher level, but since I'm not interested in him like that I don't really want to go there.

I've seen you give advice on how to get a guy to call you, but what do you do if you don't want them to?

I talk to him anyway because I don't want to be a jerk (I was also depressed for a few weeks and very lonely, so even if I didn't exactly want to talk to him, the human interaction was still welcome), but every time he calls me and I talk to him I just feel bad about it because it probably means more to him than it does to me.

 -(name withheld)




Dear NW -

I'm not sure who has a higher opinion of you . . .you or him . . .

Sorry. Just a jab to lighten the mood a touch . . . but you have to admit, it really does sound like you've lead him on . . . and, well, used him.

Here's a guy who's actually doing the right thing when it comes to getting to know girls better; he's Talking to you instead of Texting, he's listening to you when you're depressed and need someone to interact with . . . sounds like a pretty Good Guy to me.

That said, no one says you have to invest time in someone you don't like, so you're going to have to draw the line.

Look, with guys anything other than the clear truth will be taken as "try harder".

If you don't want to talk to him on the phone, then don't. (I'm honestly not clear why you're taking his calls at all . . . I mean, if you don't want to talk to him, why are you???  You have to be getting something out of the conversation . . . ego boost, maybe?  Or why even answer the phone?)

If you don't want to be . . . not nice, then talk to him and tell him where you stand.

"Hey, please don't take this as a negative comment about you, but I just want let you know that I'm not looking for a relationship. You're a nice guy, but I'm not interested in dating you".

Cold as you may think that is, it's much worse to, as you suggested, lead him on. 

I promise he'd rather know now than keep wasting effort on you only to find out later that it's unappreciated.

Be Kind, but Be Honest.

But before you cut him out of your life entirely, please consider whether or not that's the right thing to do.

 - Bro Jo

PS:  As I re-read this, I don't want you to think that I think that you're a not nice person; at the very least I think you're Trying to be nice . . . and I do think that's good.  And I do understand that sometimes we collect some "hangers on" that feel like a burden; just remember that he's not always a burden . . . there are some times, as you've said, when he's been a pretty good friend.  Those are hard to come by, and you may want to give that some strong consideration before you send him packing.

Monday, August 26, 2013

How Much of a "Relationship" Before He Leaves on a Mission is Too Much?

Dear Bro Jo,

I love your blog and I read it all of the time. I have a question.... Ready? :)

Well I have a boy who is more than a friend who is going on a mission in 3 months. We kind of have a weird relationship.

We met at EFY this summer and we really liked each other. We talk, text, call, or Skype all the time, because he doesn't live by me...

Well I really like him and he really likes me. I can support your comment that girls and guys can't remain friends because I thought we were just friends and one day I realized that I really really like him.

My mom found out that I was talking to him almost every day and she says that I shouldn't be talking to him all the time because he is going on a mission soon.

So anyway my question is ... am I distracting him while he is getting ready from a mission??

I am always supporting him going on a mission and we talk about it all the time. He can't wait!

I am so excited for him.

I am not waiting for him.

He made me promise that I would date other guys.

I promised I wasn't planning on waiting for him, like I wouldn't date any other guy when he is gone. I said I would love to date him when he gets back, because I am sure that I won't be married, when he gets back.

I haven't dated a lot of guys, so I want to date a lot of guys before I want to get married. I said that I would write him on his mission, and I really want to.

But I don't want to be in the way of him getting ready for a mission.

Thanks,

- A Girl Who Likes A Boy Going On A Mission.




Dear Girl,

I don't see anything you're doing that I would call a distraction other than I agree with your mom:  you're communicating a bit too much, and should back it down a bit.

That might make things a lot easier for the both of you when you're down to letters only . . .

But other than that it sounds like you're on track.

Thanks for reading and writing in.

- Bro Jo




 Dear Bro Jo,

Thank you so much!

- Girl





Dear Girl,

Anytime!

 - Bro Jo

Friday, August 23, 2013

Dreaming About Sex

Dear Bro Jo,

So I have been having a problem for a long time which is my challenge is being sexually charged..

Now I’m a female and I can tell you I haven’t had sex but I have made out etc.

I haven’t had a boyfriend for 5 years now which is okay with me as I want to serve my mission next year but the problem is, I get sexually frustrated.

I noticed this when I started to have sex dreams and it really irritates me as I always want to be my best in the Lord’s eyes but I just cannot help it.

I don’t know what to do and it has made me feel so insecure about myself because of this issue because I feel like Heavenly Father may feel like he doesn't want me to date because of it.

Help please.

- Frustrated Girl




Dear Frustrated,

I don't believe that we're held accountable for the content of our dreams.

Further, dreams about sex are very natural. Happens all the time to everyone.

If you're worried about what you're thinking when you're awake, I believe one of the best tools for helping to keep one's thought pure is to sing a hymn. Out loud if you need to. Or whistle.

I doubt very much that Heavenly Father is telling you not to date.

Please understand, random thoughts about sex, dreams, being attracted to the opposite sex . . . those are all Good Things!

What we need to guard against is “entertaining inappropriate thoughts” . . . does that make sense?

It’s like I tell guys all the time: it’s one thing to notice a sexy girl as she walks by, it’s another thing to stare, and still another to go looking for pictures like that on the internet.

If you’re worried, but still want to keep dating, make your dates Casual Group Ones. 

That’s standard pre-mission protocol, as far as I’m concerned. Further, I do think it’s right to stop dating Once Your Mission Call has been received (I mean, at that point what’s the point?)

But don’t be down on yourself dreaming about sex.

Fantasizing we can control; and should.  That's one thing.

Dreams are natural and on their own. That's another.

Besides, I think many of us (especially Latter-day Saints) read Way Too Much into dreams to begin with.

Don't act out your frustrations.  You can with your spouse when you're married (so long as they consent, of course), but for now find ways to help you focus during your waking hours on things that are less . . . frustrating.

- Bro Jo

PS: If it means anything, I bet there’s a lot of guys who will read this that will be 1. Surprised that girls dream about sex, too; and 2. Glad that it’s not just them.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

When He Calls You "Sister"

Dear Bro Jo,

So if a guy calls you his sister (or in my case "sista") a girl pretty much has no chance of ever being seen beyond that right?

- Girl



Dear Girl,

It depends on how lame the guy is.

- Bro Jo




Dear Bro Jo,

Meaning?

- Girl




Dear Girl,

Does he think he's cool?

Is he really bad at flirting?

Either is pretty lame.

Or is he simply trying to let you down easy by telling you he thinks of you more as a sister than a girlfriend?

That's actually pretty nice . . . and not lame at all.

Of course, he could be using it as a term of endearment, actually intending to imply that while, in a very Mormon Way, you're his "sister in Christ" he actually thinks of you more fondly than others.  THAT might be what you're hoping for.

Of course, in our culture, he may just be trying to be cool or hip . . . and whether or not he's seen as such depends on, well, how you view him.  Right?

- Bro Jo




Dear Bro Jo,

He's really bad at flirting.

A little slow and shy with girls.

Thanks for your insights.

- Girl




Dear Girl,

Any time!

- Bro Jo

PS:  You know . . . you could always just ask him . . .

Monday, August 19, 2013

She Hates the Idea of Kissing

Dear Bro Jo,

I've been reading your blog, and I read in one of your entries that you think that you should be kissed at least once or twice while being a teenager.

What would you say to a teen who thinks kissing is gross (like me)?

I think kissing is gross because:

 a) I'm a germaphobe and germs can easily be exchanged through kissing

 b) kissing requires some commitment in the end

 c) I had a bad experience with my first kiss because the guy I kissed was trying to French kiss me

 d) I'm not really a cuddly person and I HATE it when people even try to hug me, including my family.

Why do you think teens should kiss?

Sorry for the weird questions.

 --Girl who hates the idea of kissing---

 P.S: The reason for me asking this is because a lot of guys won't ask me out on dates because they know I am anti-lip action.




Dear Anti-kisser,

I’d say that you’re not ready.

Your objections make sense to you . . . and that’s okay, but the truth is that:

a) You should be much more concerned about eating in public, using the tooth brush you keep in the bathroom, or (and this is the big one) using a computer keyboard that’s used by other people than kissing if germs are your big concern

b) Not necessarily.

c) All of life should not be defined by one bad experience. Or even two or three.

And, while everyone is different, D concerns me quite a bit . . . like, perhaps you should speak to a professional therapist. Not wanting to big hugged by family concerns me . . . but then, in fairness, I am a huggy person.

Perhaps you’ll change your mind when you either get older or meet the right person (like someone who doesn’t think “kissing” has to mean licking your tonsils).

Maybe it will be best that you marry someone who feels as you do; who doesn’t associate kissing and cuddling with love, and doesn’t need those things in their life (not something I would choose, but there are those out there like that).

For now I don’t think you should worry about it too much.

You never know . . . you might feel differently when some time has passed . . . or, as I mentioned before, when the right guy comes along.

Nothing wrong with waiting until the timing is right.

To clarify, I don’t think teens should kiss, per se; what I’ve said is that I see nothing wrong with it given certain parameters.

I think that’s different. (See Bro Jo’s Guide to Kissing.)

Oh, and before I forget, any guy that only asks out girls because they’re trying to get smooched isn’t a very good guy.

- Bro Jo

PS: There’s something that happens that can keep girls from getting asked out. When they’re 18 if all they ever talk about is how they want to go on a mission, or not get married, then the guys that want those things steer clear. It’s like they’re waving a big red “stay away from me” flag, and guys are all too happy to oblige. 

And that can be ironic because lots of girls say that stuff simply so they can pretend that it’s okay with them that they don’t get asked out.

Consider: along those lines, it may be possible that these guys aren’t asking you out because they’re only after kisses, but because you go on and on and on about how anit-kissing you are that, even though they may not have any intention of kissing you, you just come across as . . . . well, a Big Dull Dud.

I’m not saying that you have to kiss to be fun; not at all. What I’m saying is that your mantra may be a turn off not because they’re disappointed that you won’t kiss, but because you don’t seem to talk about anything else.

Hope that makes sense.

Friday, August 16, 2013

Should She Go to the Ex-Boyfriend's Farewell?

Dear Bro Jo,

So, I was dating this guy, we were not exclusive but only because we didn't want to call it that. I mean we did date other people, but it was obviously just as friends.

We both had friends we would do a lot with.

As it started getting closer to his mission we started setting more and more boundaries. For example: we wouldn't kiss, then we even timed our get-togethers and always made sure we were with other people.  It even got to the point where we would time our phone conversations.

It was getting hard to even do things anymore and eventually he sent me an email explaining that he felt we needed to not see each other anymore. That he loved me, but he felt heavenly father wanted us to cut it off. I respect him, and I agreed.

I still do.

I don't want to make things hard for him in any way and he said that what we were doing was making him feel.... unworthy.

Not because of our actions, we were very careful, but that even being around me influenced his thoughts.

I let it happen; the creation of distance I mean.

We never talk anymore.

But he invited me to his farewell next month and I don't know how I can go.

I still really believe I love him.

I miss talking to him so bad and just being around him.

I really think he is totally over it, it didn't even seem hard for him.

He expressed how he was just afraid that he would start thinking about marriage and be distracted. 

Basically, I am asking how can I get over him when it has been 4 months since we have talked other than him texting me his farewell time?

Am I normal for longing to just call and hear his voice?

And how can I make it through his farewell?

I do want to support him....

Sincerely,

- In dread and confusion




Dear In Dread,

What a great opportunity for you to show some maturity and growth!

The "farewell" Sacrament meeting is all of 75 minutes.

You go.

Listen politely, feel the Spirit, and try to learn a few things.

Be grateful that he is focused on what's important at this stage in his life, and try to understand.

How you feel is normal.

Time will make this easier to handle.  I think it's good that you two called things off, at least for now.  I know his Mission Companions will be grateful that he's not pining for a girl back home.

- Bro Jo

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

What Does It Mean When Her Boyfriend Gets an Erection?

Dear Bro Jo,

I'm turning to you in a little bit of desperation right now. I trust you and couldn't think of any better place to get my information.

I wish it was something I felt more comfortable asking my parents about, but right now it's not.

So, my current anxiousness is a result of naivety about boys and, well, how they work.

Quick background: I've been dating this guy for about a month now. He's an RM and I'm 22.  We currently attend BYU.  We haven't officially said that we're exclusive, but we act like we are boyfriend/girlfriend. And, being such, we like to cuddle.

Now, I'm very careful about physical affection (we haven't kissed yet) but it definitely feels really good. He's told me that he wants to make sure he's honest about things with me, meaning that the emotion is there before the physical stuff. He had kind of jumped in fast at the beginning and was backing off to make sure he really felt it. I really respect him for that, and am glad he cares so much to be truthful with me.

We haven't done anything that I would call crossing the line or even close. I dress modestly, we don't lay down while cuddling, we don't touch each other inappropriately, we don't talk about sex, etc.

Basically, there's nothing I can think of that we are doing that I would consider wrong.

That being said, I've noticed him get an erection a few times that we've been together. It's usually just while we're sitting together on the couch with his arm around me. This is where I my naivety comes in.

I just don't know what I'm supposed to do when that happens.

Do I let him know that I can see it?

Do I pull away from him without an explanation?

With an explanation?

I don't want to embarrass him. I don't even really know what it means or what causes it to happen. I can't imagine that it's anything I've done, other than being female and sitting close to him.

It it just something that happens?

Or is it sinful before marriage?

Should I tell him that it makes me uncomfortable?

Is it even my business?

Should I ignore it? (This is what I've done so far.)

Is there something I can do to help him, or is it just up to him to control his thoughts and feelings?

And finally, is this something that is concerning enough that I should consider ending our relationship?

Or do I just need to put up more boundaries?

I just don't know how serious this is. It's not something I've ever had to worry about before.

I know nobody's perfect, and so I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt. I'd appreciate it if you could explain to me a little of how boys think and feel and how that relates to their physiology. I don't want to be the object of his lust, and I don't think he intends that to be so either.

What do you suggest?

Thanks,

- Naive and worried




Dear Naive,

First of all, it's a good thing. It means that, physiologically speaking, he finds you . . . exciting.

Not necessarily lustful thoughts, but we men do often think about sex. Give us a break; we're wired that way by design. And, believe me, for a young guy, especially one that hasn't . . . had a lot of prior sexual experience (which, btw, is the goal if we're unmarried, right?) ... before, this is a very typical and natural response. Sitting close and being female is all it takes. Heck, it probably happens when you're not around and he's just thinking about you (don't freak out; that's a normal and good thing, too).

This is the way a man's body is supposed to work. It's part of the natural procreation process. I don't think you should say anything yet, I'm sure he's aware (trust me, he's aware) and if his . . . dating experience is the same level as yours, anything you say or do will likely embarrass him.

There's only a few things you can do to help him; the best ones you need to save for marriage; the other things you can do involve giving him a break from you. 

Don't freak out, don't run away, play it cool.

Understand that this is his physiology, and this is the way God designed him to react when he's turned on by you. It's involuntary.

If you're embarrassed or uncomfortable, get up and get some distance - in a casual but specific way (like go to the restroom or go get something to eat).

Suggest that the two of you go for a walk, change the activity, or politely end the evening. (This may be more information than you bargained for, but if he's been in that state for a while, it will begin to become uncomfortable, and he'll be grateful for the break.)

It's not serious, it's not sinful, and certainly not something to end your relationship over. Back the cuddling sessions down a bit in duration and frequency. So long as the two of you can keep from responding to this reaction as if you're married people, you'll be fine.

When you're comfortable enough with each other that you've begun to discuss sex (because you’re planning on marriage), you can discuss it then (see Bro Jo's List of Things You Should Know Before You Agree to Marry).

Now is too early.

Hope that helps,

- Bro Jo




Dear Bro Jo,

Oh my goodness, thank you so much!

Everything you said really helps a lot, and I feel so much better about things.

Thanks for the explanations; everything makes a lot more sense now.

And thank you for your suggestions; I feel a lot more confident about how to deal with the situation now. 

Really, thanks for what you do. I was really concerned about this, and felt too embarrassed and shy to ask anyone else. I really appreciate your wisdom and willingness to share it with us-- especially on these sometimes difficult questions.

Also, your email came just when I needed it. I was just feeling really down (not related to this topic at all) but when I got your email it lifted my spirits a lot.

Thanks,

- No longer naive




Dear NLN,

I wish we in the Church did a better job balancing our valid concerns regarding Sex Education as it's taught publicly in much of the world and not giving you all enough information to understand basic human anatomy and physiology.

There's a fine line in the young mind between information and permission, and even as experienced adults it can be difficult to navigate.

Thank you for your kind words,

- Bro Jo

Monday, August 12, 2013

Promises Promises

Dear Bro. Jo,

I am writing this because I came across your blog and liked it and I need some help.

I live in a small town in (location withheld).  I have been dating a boy and he had a past but had repented and was doing good.

So we started dating and did things we shouldn't have. (I am about to begin the repentance process) and he promised to marry me in the Temple.

Now he says he's not so sure and a year is a long time we will see what happens.

I should be understanding of this since he wants to be cautious after going through his divorce.

He is 19 I am 18, about to go to college 45 min. away.

What I am most upset about is because we were planning on marriage I thought it would help us get to the Temple if he read my patriarchal blessing.  But now I am like what if we don’t get married and I let him read something so sacred?

He is a good boy and always active in the Church along with his family.

Should I feel so bad about slowing things down a little and letting him read that?

We still could be getting married.

Please help

Thanks for your time.

Love

- Name Withheld




Dear Sister,

I'm going to be very honest with you here.

1) Because that's what I do. 
2) Because I think you need it. 
3) I care a lot about my readers and those that right in, and I feel that to keep them from the truth isn't very loving. 


So here goes: I don't think this guy has any intention of marrying you, I think he's bad news, and I think you're delusional in your opinion of him.

Don't sit there and tell me that he's "a good boy and always active in the Church" when the data is clearly contrary.

Look at the facts, sister!

He's 19, already divorced, has "a past" that he's needed to repent of, and clearly hasn't because now he "has a past" with you.

Add to that. He "promised" to marry you in the temple, but now he's "not sure", and says that "a year is too long to wait".

Plus, and this is a big deal, you shared something personal and sacred with him (the blessing), which in and of itself is not necessarily a bad thing, but you don't feel good about it.

I don't think you should "feel bad" for slowing things down; what gives be great concern is that you think you should feel bad.

Little Sister, dear friend, you Have Got To Give Yourself More Credit!

By the virtue of being a Daughter of God you have inherit value, and that value is your right and privilege; no guy, husband, husband, boyfriend or otherwise, can give that value or take it away.

And I hate to be the one to have to tell you this, but this guy, regardless of what he tells you, doesn't love or respect you.

He's using you for sex.

And as long as you're willing to give it up, he'll tell you anything he thinks you want to hear.   (Like "wanting to marry you in the Temple" . . . actions speak louder than words, you know.)

You need to understand something I've said often: "no man will ever love a woman he doesn't respect, and you can't respect someone who doesn't respect themselves; and you can't respect someone who gives it away easily".

The only hope you have to turn this into a relationship of value is to cut him off.

No more sex, no more petting, no more make-out sessions.

No being alone cuddling on the sofa, no parking, no hanging out.

If he wants to date you, that means he Plans, Picks Up, and Pays, and at no point does he put you in a situation where either of you are tempted to break the law of chastity.

IF he can hold to those rules until you're married (and I think you should make him wait the year necessary for you both to get married in the Temple) then maybe, MAYBE, he's the Good Guy you claim.

If he can't respect you enough to do that, then the best you could ever hope for him to be is your "first" husband; but I seriously doubt he'd be your last. 

Being nice and being good are not always the same thing.

You deserve to be married for Time and All Eternity to someone who loves and respects you. I pray that you'll find that joy.

And to be candid, I don't think this is the guy.

Could he change?

Absolutely!

But right now it doesn't sound like he needs to, or wants to, and no one should ever pin their hopes on someone becoming someone other than who they are.

- Bro Jo

PS:  It's not that he has a divorce that makes him not a Good Guy; it's his behavior and attitude.  Now it IS possible that those are the reasons why he's not married anymore . . . you may want to think about that.

Friday, August 9, 2013

How Can a Return Missionary Start Dating Again? (The Don't List)

Dear Bro Jo,

I just got off my mission 2 weeks ago and I want to get back into the dating scene again but I feel a little nervous about going out with girls again (I still have the missionary mentality here by the way).

What advice can you give for Recently Returned Missionaries?

What is the best way for someone to start dating again?

-Recently Returned Missionary




Dear RM,

The best way to start dating is . . . ask a girl on a date.


That's it, bro.


No need to make it any more complicated than that.

If it helps . . .


Bro Jo's "Dating as a RM - The Don't List"


  • Don't sit around waiting for a light to beam down from the heavens and a voice to boom "thou shalt date this one!"
  • Don't only date girls you already know really well.
  • Don't limit yourself to a predetermined picture, look, or body-type.
  • Don't make a first date out to be a bigger deal than it is, no matter how smitten you might be.
  • Don't feel like you have to make it a big production. A simple walk through the park and get an ice cream is a great date!
  • And don't sit around doing nothing, making excuses or refusing to leave the safety of your own little sofa.


50 dates a year, RM. That's what I recommend.

That's one a week.

Minimum.

I understand the culture shock . . . but I'll tell you now the best way to jump out of the airplane is not to linger at the door. Take a deep breath, buckle your chute, and GO!

Relax.

And go have some fun!

Remember:  Serious Single Dating is:

1.  Serious, in that you're not playing around anymore; the dates themselves should be mostly fun and casual
2.  Single, because you're too old to be hanging out or going on lots of group dates; ward activities, dances, apartment movie nights and parties are great ways to meet lots of potential dates, but don't make these you predominant social activity
3.  Dating, meaning:  Get Out There!

Back to our list . . .

  • Don't forget that Communication is the key.   Which means . . .
  • Don't leave her guessing; be man enough to use the word "date" when you ask a girl to do something.  Be Upfront:  tell her that you don't expect the first few dates to imply any kind of commitment, that you think she's a neat girl (or whatever you non-gray-haired people say) and you'd like to get to know her a little better.
  • I think it's helpful if you Don't Kiss on the first date or two (three dates is my general rule) so that nothing gets confused.
  • And don't use girls for your physical needs; kissing is fine; holding hands is recommended (even on the first date); but that Non-committal Make Out thing happening on campus is not cool.



It's Friday.  Go make a date for this weekend.


- Bro Jo

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Cheesy Wednesdays: Remember that Guy? - Part 2

[Dear Readers,

The first Wednesday of every month we follow "Cheese" and her trials and challenges as she navigates the dating world.  You can jump to past posts by clicking the tag "Cheese" on the side of this page.


Here's the quick link to Part-1 where Cheese tells us about her concern for this guy's fiance because this guy is . . . well, we'll let you decide.

Enjoy,

- Bro Jo]



Dear Bro Jo,

You are right,,, I just want to keep her from getting hurt.

- Cheese




Dear Cheese,

That's because you're a nice person.

And that's good.

But you have to let her make her own choices.

Is this the same guy that kept coming over all the time and Mama and Big were pushing you to date and you kept telling me he was stalking you and driving you crazy?

- Bro Jo




Dear Bro Jo,

Yes exact same guy

- Cheese




Dear Cheese,

AHA! Not surprised. Are you?

- Bro Jo




Dear Bro Jo,

I actually am.

Not by the fact he went crazy, I saw that from 10 miles away, but by how extreme it is.

I knew he was bad news, he is a kind human being, but that's not the only thing that matters.

His head is in the wrong place, and I don't think it's entirely his fault.

I feel bad for him. I feel bad for his family.

But I'm also glad I did the exact opposite of what my parents wanted me to do on this one.

It is very obvious to me that I made the right choice when I ran.

- Cheese




Dear Cheese,

See, I'm not surprised.

Granted all of the information I have came through the Cheese-filter, but his behavior was so stalker-ish, illogical and erratic . . .

Anyway, I agree: you dodged a bullet.

Don't mock the parents with an "I was right you were wrong" victory dance, though, okay?

- Bro Jo




Dear Bro Jo,

Fortunately for them I am still slightly under the weather and not up for dancing. But my dad has said more times than I can count, if he had met this boy for the first time today he would run away screaming

- Cheese



[Dear Readers,

For the record, both of Cheese's parents have long since said that this guy was . . . not a good dating choice.  And, just so you know, Mac stayed away from this guy, too.


- Bro Jo]

Monday, August 5, 2013

YSA FHE Activities

Dear Bro Jo,

Hey Brother J...

Thank you for all you do and the help you render, it is greatly appreciated by all us.

Just a quick one for you, do you have any super crazy/fun and spontaneous FHE activities for YSA members at college?

Or just in general I suppose.

If you could hook me up with a bundle that would be spectacular!

Thanks a million!

Bomb FHE Mom




Dear Mom,

A list might appear at another time (or perhaps we should just ask our readers to comment below!), but for the most part I'd say that YSA FHE activities should be similar to FHE activities at home; either something you liked to do as a family or a service project.

I think we don't find enough excuses to be of service.

- Bro Jo

Friday, August 2, 2013

16 . . . Undated . . . and Un-noticed

Dear Bro Jo,

I am 16, have been for 9 months now and nobody seems to want to date me.

I do everything to try to dress nice and modest and impress boys and it seems like no one notices me.

Boys in my stake instead want to date my 14 year old cousin and then they ignore me.

I mean, we're supposed to date right?

It’s in the strength of youth pamphlet which tells us that at 16 to group date and were supposed to follow what it says in the For the Strength of Youth.

I just don't know why boys won’t ask me so I can experience it myself.

I know the boys in my ward go on dates with other girls from other wards because I'm friends with them on Facebook.

My Young Women's leader told me they are just intimidated by my beauty, but I'm just beginning to think that I'm not attractive. (Note that I'm one of the only two 16 year olds in my ward and am definitely not shy) and I do try to talk to boys but every time I do, like even if I ask them a simple question, they look at me like I'm bothering them, so I just stopped.

And sometimes this one guy acts like he likes me one week and then the next week acts like he could care less when I talk to him.

So please help me find an answer to my problem!

I really want to go on a date so bad I'm getting desperate!

Sincerely,

Desperate




Dear Don't Be,

Breathe.

And relax.

I agree: every 16-year old girl deserves chances to date, and believe me, I'm working on getting the guys your age to realize that.

But if it doesn't happen, try not to worry too much.

Failure of the guys in your area to ask you on dates is neither a commentary on your Value nor your Beauty. 

Sure, we can all do a little better with what we've been given, but every girl is beautiful.

And let me tell you this: some of the best, smartest, funniest, prettiest girls I've ever know date very little if at all in High School.

Including Sister Jo.  (A fact that to this day stuns me, but boy am I grateful for the stupidity of the boys she grew up with! Worked out great for me!)

Now, I realize that may not bring you too much comfort, so you may want to check out some of the notes on the Facebook page, like:

Bro Jo's "HOW a GIRL CAN GET a BOY'S ATTENTION"  and Bro Jo's "HOW a GIRL CAN GET a GUY to ASK HER on a DATE"  there's more in "Bro Jo's Guide to Casual Group Dating", but you get the idea.

Lastly, remember that to Good Guys, desperation is a turn off.

Worry less about getting a date, and instead focus on being fun and friendly.

After all, at this age it's not about getting a guy to like you, but about learning how to socialize with people and about what qualities are important to you in a future spouse.


- Bro Jo