Okay, so, I am turning 18 in less than two months and I just graduated high school.
I am in that slightly awkward transition from Youth to YSA, but I have only been on one date. (It was with a non-member. VERY awkward because he knew that I didn't like him THAT way and still insisted. Also, it was SUPPOSED to be a double date, but the other guy's date didn't show up. So, technically, I was on a date with two guys. :P)
I have never really been on any group dates either because I have never been asked. I've gone to the movies and bowling with a group of non-member friends, but it wasn't dating.
I have never been asked out, hit on, flirted with (to my knowledge. I swear when it comes to flirting I am no more knowledgeable than Sheldon Cooper from Big Bang Theory.) or anything else like that by a member of the church, and honestly, I constantly feel unattractive and unwanted.
Also, it doesn't help that I, for some unknown reason, am always attracted to guys that are either a) too old for me, b) will never ever in a million years be attracted to me, or c) both.
I should probably mention that I am on the chubby side, but I am trying to change it.
Do you have any advice for me?
Sincerely,
I-am-tired-of-watching-all-of-the-pretty-and-skinny-girls-get-dates-and-boyfriends-while-I-am-stuck-on-the-sidelines
Dear Tired,
Can I tell you something?
I'm a little over it when it comes to girls complaining that "only the skinny girls get dates and boyfriends".
That is SO UNTRUE.
Look around you.
Girls of all shapes and sizes get dates.
Look around your ward once in a while.
Do all of those married people look skinny to you?
Do all of the guys have great hair?
Are all of the people Sealed for Time and All Eternity that you know former models?
Come on.
Of course not!
And yet they got dates.
They had relationships.
They've been kissed and hugged and everything else.
Look, it's not just you; yours is one of hundreds of emails I've gotten with the same complaint.
From girls AND guys.
So my first piece of advice for you is "Stop feeling sorry for yourself".
I've never seen you, I don't know you, and yet I'm positive that you're attractive and have value.
I know it to be true because you're a Daughter of God, and that's all it takes.
I know you have talents.
I know you can love and serve others.
And I know that the Lord will provide opportunities (yes, plural) for you to get married.
The questions are:
Will you take advantage of those opportunities?
Will you miss opportunities because you're being shallow or have unrealistic expectations or because you're not being open, positive and willing?
Will you do the best you can with what you have and try to be better tomorrow than you are today?
Some things in life we can't do anything about, but each of us has areas where we can improve. Right?
Maybe for you that means no more soda, chips and candy.
Maybe it means you need to start working out a little each day.
Maybe it means that you need to be positive, happy, and of service to others.
Truthfully, those are all things most of us need to work on.
So if that's you, take heart, you're not alone.
But complaint is not action.
If you want to do something, then (in the words of President Kimball) DO IT.
Worry less about flirting. (There are some tips about that you can read on the Facebook page notes and in my books.)
Instead focus on being kind to others and getting to know lots of people.
And, particularly when you get to college, DON"T HANG OUT.
Our world is full of Latter-day Saint women who don't understand that when guys hang out at your house (or apartment or dorm) they see no need to date you.
Relax, Be Happy, and enjoy life!
You're awesome because God made you that way.
But if you're not happy, there's no reason why you can't make some positive improvements.
We all can!
Take it from someone who tries desperately every day to be a "formerly fat guy" instead of a "future fat again guy". I'm making that effort because I wasn't happy with myself; but if you're happy, then Be Happy!
Best,
- Bro Jo
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