Hi Bro Jo,
No worries, I'm not in the midst of a dating dilemma this time. :)
Everything's going well. I love school, and I'm working and playing and learning to my heart's content.
I was just reading your blog and looking for the links to "How a Girl Can Get a Guy to Ask Her Out" and the related ones.The links don't work anymore.
Tonight at our ward social, I had a guy ask for my number.
I met him at FHE last night, and we talked a lot at the social tonight and then he asked for my number before we left.
My roommates commented that I seemed to "have it down", meaning getting guys to ask me out.
Two of them are graduating this semester, no boyfriends, rare dates.
They're not desperate, but they'd really like to be married.
They are both beautiful, kind, smart, and funny.
And I really mean that.
They are awesome.
I honestly have no idea why they don't get asked out and I do.
Ok, I'll admit that I could tell as soon as I sat down at FHE last night that this guy noticed me. I liked him too, so I flirted.
But I don't know exactly what I do that makes guys ask me out.
What can I tell my roommates?
I'd love if you'd send me your lists to share with them.
The only things that I can name that I do is more eye contact and lots of smiles, an arm touch, and intelligent conversation.
I also watch a lot of college football, which may or may not make a difference.
Thanks!
College Girl
Dear CG,
I'm not sure what's happening with the links; if you can tell me which ones where, I can check them out and update them.
Most of the links you're talking about go to the Notes section on the Facebook page.
Here are some of what you might be looking for to share with your roommates:
Bro Jo's "HOW a GIRL CAN GET a BOY'S ATTENTION"
Bro Jo's "HOW a GIRL CAN GET a GUY to ASK HER on a DATE"
Bro Jo’s "TEN WAYS a GIRL CAN GET a GUY to CALL"
And you're absolutely right: the flirting, the eye contact, the smiles, the arm touching, the "knowing things to say about what guys are interested in" (like college football) are all excellent, and I think essential, tools.
No matter how wonderful, smart, funny, attractive, or whatever a girl may be, asking her out can be quite scary for a lot of guys.
In fact, the more of those things she is, the scarier it can be.
And, as we all know (because otherwise this column may not exist) Guys (especially the Good Ones) just aren't getting the training they need from their parents and Church leaders when it comes to dating and wooing women.
So a girl has got to signal that his attention is wanted and welcome.
That's true inside the Church and out, and it's been true FOREVER.
The key, I think, is being able to do that without over pursuit or seeming desperate because that turns Good Guys off.
The answer to that?
Trick him to thinking he's in charge by allowing him to do the asking and think he's making the decisions.
How do I know?
Sister Jo is The Master.
- Bro Jo
Dear Bro Jo,
Thanks Bro Jo! Helpful as always!
- CG
Dear CG,
Any time!
- Bro Jo
This is correct. Women who wish to get asked on dates must learn to flirt. This doesn't mean anything overtly sexual, just the ability to signal via conversation and body language that you are interested in him.
ReplyDeleteIf women hold themselves aloof, then they are signalling they are not interested and any advances would not be welcomed. Of course men are going to respond by not asking them out.
I see so many comments on sites, religious or otherwise, where women complain they aren't getting asked out, but then at the same time that they don't like flirting. What do they expect?