An RM Has Dating Questions

Dear Bro Jo,

I am a recently (I just attended my first Sunday home) returned missionary who got tuned into your blog through a former companion.

I was looking at your Facebook page and was reading and saw this and it got me thinking:

DO – Date One-on-One. You asked for it, now you’re old enough that it’s OK.

Now I will admit I have not been the best at dating in the past.

Okay to be honest I have been downright chicken and have never been on a date.

Somewhere else I saw that you recommended that people that are in my situation go on group dates.

There is one Problem I came home to a new city and ward and so know no one, I would appreciate your input in how to approach the other YSA guys in the ward and stake about going with me to be able to do that without sounding overly immature, especially since I am somewhat older (23) than a good deal of them.

I just don't want to come across as the really weird guy and ruin any chance I have.

For your FYI I am planning to take advantage of all the YSA activities available.

I will have my first chance tomorrow night at the YSA FHE activity, we are going Roller Blading.

Thanks for all that you do,

- Brand Spankin New RM




Dear New RM,

No, no, no.

Group Dates are for Teens, not for you, my friend.

It's time you start Serious Single Dating, and my recommendation for RM guys is Once a Week, minimum.  (Remind me at some point to tell you about the difference between Shotgun, Archery and Rifle Target Shooting styles.)

I give recently return guys a couple weeks, not more than a month, to get over the culture shock.

It takes a serious mental adjustment to go from "don't be alone with a girl" for two years to "go start dating one-on-one, kiss a few, and marry one of them".

I get that.

But you're not a kid anymore.

I don't care that you're shy. I don't care that you don't have much dating experience. And I don't care that you don't know many people.

Sweet Lord in Heaven! What do you think all of that mission time was preparing you for???

Did you or did you not go up and introduce yourself to people you didn't previously know?

Did you or did you not talk to them to get to know them better?

Did you or did you not make appointments with strangers so you could see them again?

Did you or did you not eventually get to know them well enough that you could share meaningful and personal stuff?

Did you or did you not talk to them about changing their lives forever?

Casual Group Dating as a Teen is Mission Prep, and Missionary Work is Serious Single Dating Prep. 

Serious Single Dates need not be expensive, but you do need to Plan, Pickup, and Pay.

Here are some steps to get you started:

1. Make a list of fun get-to-know you dates that you can easily do and afford.

2. Get to know the Single Sisters in your area. (Those activities will help a lot. So will Institute classes and asking your friends.)

3. Ask one out for this Friday. (It honestly doesn't matter whom. Pick someone you think might be fun, and don't worry about her being a future spouse. It's only a first date, for gosh sakes!)

4. Go out. Have fun! Be Conversational. (That means make it about her more than it is about you.)

5. If she's not a colossal bore or the date a total disaster, then call her a couple (three is good) days later and ask her on another date. If you really like her, make that the next date you go on. If you sort of like her, date someone else in between.

6. Lather, rinse, repeat. Keep doing that until you find a girl that you like so much you only want to date her. If she feels the same, keep only asking her out.

7. If you've been dating the same girl exclusively for three or more months and you have no idea what to do next, fast and pray. 

If you're still clueless, write me again. Have fun!

- Bro Jo 

PS: No hangouts! We DATE girls, we hang out with our buddies.




Dear Bro Jo,

Okay, Thanks for the help.

I was kind of getting discouraged thinking about it, but now that I know someone else thinks I don't have to worry about single dates then that takes a load off my chest. I was planning to get some numbers tonight to find someone to ask out.

The Tips you gave were very good. I am anxious to try them out.

Thanks again for your help,

- Brand Spanking New RM




Dear MR,

You don't have to worry about dates, you just need to go on them.

Good luck!

- Bro Jo