Does He Owe Her a Date?

Dear Bro Jo,

To recap:  I'm a sailor learning how to do my job for (employer withheld).

I met a seemingly perfect guy (RM, smart, handsome, funny, also works at the same place), we text a lot and he asks me out.

Anyway so I agree to go out with him.

He cancels last minute citing the fact that is something work related.

I figure whatever sounds reasonable and we reschedule for the next weekend.

Lo and behold the next weekend he cancels again this time saying family problems again I figure reasonable.

Then he never texts me back for like 2 weeks.

And I find out through the rumor mill that he's gone out with the only other Mormon girl at work twice since he canceled on me.

I confirmed my facts from her.

I just wanted to know what you think about that. Is it fair to ask me out cancel twice then go out with another girl without even another word?

Or am I just overreacting?

It's not like we were a thing but he asked me out and so he owed me a date.

It seemed really rude to me.

It doesn't matter about this particular guy anymore because he's been transferred and the odds of me running into him again are slim to none.

Plus I found out he's not so perfect after all.

In 3 months here he's gone to church 4 times.  Not good.

But I'd just like to know for the future.

Thanks,

Not so lovesick




Dear Not So,

I think he found out that he liked dating the other girl and he wasn't prepared to throw that away on an unknown (you).

I understand his thinking, and I don't really have a problem with what he did.

I think it would have been worse for him to just go out with you because he felt obligated when he really had no intention of pursuing anything with you.

Dating you under that circumstance would have been much worse than cancelling.

Are you within your rights to be upset or bummed out that the dates with you as planned didn't work out?

Sure.

For a little bit.

But then you need to move on.

I don't agree that he "owed" you a date.

He asked you out.

It didn't work out, for whatever reason, and he cancelled.

End of story.

I don't see that he owed you anything.

- Bro Jo




Dear Bro Jo,

Makes sense.

Thanks.

This actually will help me move on.

I think my problem is that I get a little too intense when it comes to this kind of thing.

I need to learn to be more chill at least at first.

After all I am only 18, I don't even know if I'm ready for serious single dating yet anyway.

Thanks again!




Dear Not So,

No problem.

I think you're ready for Serious Single Dating, but, as you said, you need to relax a little.

The first few dates are just getting to know each other.

No big deal.

No pressure.

That "intensity" (and dare I say, attitude of entitlement) could turn out to be a big turn off for a lot of guys.  Be Aware.

- Bro Jo