Dear Bro Jo,
I'm an 18 year old girl in my first semester of college at BYU-I.
I don't really know how to state my question because I don't even know what I want an answer to.
I just need an answer.
I don't have very many guy friends.
In fact, I can only think of one guy that I can really say is my friend.
I never got asked to any high school dances.
Guys just have never shown any interest in me.
They don't compliment me or make any effort to be my friend.
I don't think I'm hideous, I'm not odorous or revolting.
But maybe in guys eyes I am.
Now that I'm in college, I talk to guys that come over to our apartment and hang out but I feel I am forgotten because the other girls in my apartment are loud and always talking so they get all the attention.
I think I'm socially awkward around guys.
I don't know what it is, like I love guys and I like being around them. But I just don't feel confident or pretty enough to say much unless they talk to me first.
And usually they don't.
I'm that typical Mormon girl that wants to get married young but I don't see that happening anytime since I'm so awkward.
I guess the question I want to ask is: What can I do to change this?
Is there something wrong with me?
Sincerely,
- I Don't Know What to Do
Dear Sister,
I highly doubt that there's anything wrong with you . . . you certainly haven't given me any reason to think that there is!
Dating is not about having "guy friends", and having guys hang out at your apartment (though it sounds like it's your roommates that are confused about this more than you) is not very effective either.
I think the first thing you need to do is widen your circle.
I know you're shy and nervous, and that's okay.
No one is saying that you need to go from 0-60 in five seconds flat.
But you do need to be socializing with more guys than just those that happen to be after your roommates.
You say you like to talk to guys, so do that!
At Church.
Before and after class.
In the Library.
The Grocery store.
Get to know people better by being you!
Be sweet and sincerely interested in them as people.
Ask them about them.
Don't be looking for "more guy friends"; focus on getting to know more guys.
Does that make sense?
You don't want to become every guy's pal, stuck in the Zion Friend Zone forever.
You want to become a girl that guys are comfortable talking to and being around.
See the difference?
As you get to know more guys and become more comfortable around them, you'll become more confident.
Avoid those common co-ed traps.
You know...
Going out in sweats.
Allowing boys to think they can "hang out" with you.
All in all becoming just a little too casual.
One step at a time.
You'll be just fine!
- Bro Jo
As a recent graduate from BYU-I, I also know it has a lot to offer in the way of activities. Get involved with something you're interested in. I met all of my best friends at the weekly dances and dance workshops, and it's a great way to increase your self confidence or try something new.
ReplyDeleteDancing not your thing (give it a fair shot before you answer that!)? There are outdoor activities, intramural sports, service activities, talent shows, comedy groups, workshops, etc, etc that you can be involved in! If there isn't something among the 100's of established activities that interests you, go through the channels and start it yourself!
Take advantage of your time at BYU-I. I once heard one of my faculty leaders say that if you leave that school with just a diploma, you've wasted your time and resources. Remember that your tuition is paid for by the widow's mite. Make the most of your experience and be more concerned with growing closer to the Lord and becoming what and who He wants you to be. Everything else will fall into place if you let Him guide you and have faith in His plan for you.