Dealing with Her Mother's Death

Dear Bro Jo,

With the death of my mom.. I've had a few problems.

First of all it is about six months after her death on (date withheld) and its harder than ever.

I've been having a really hard time with depression and self-worth and keeping my concentration focused. How do I get myself out of this?

I know about the plan of salvation and I have faith in that or I'm sure I would be much worse off, but it is still affecting me really bad at times.

And I cry all the time without knowing why.

My Dad had been dating for a while and proposed to a woman in December of 2012, only knowing her for only a week.

I had only met her once before the proposal day.

Their marriage is to occur as soon as they can get it approved to be married in the Temple.

My problem is I really REALLY don't like her.

I am quite a loving person, but she annoys me and seems really fake all the time.

I am not mean to her, but I kind of avoid her.

I hope that the only reason why I am not liking her is because I don't want her replacing my mom, but what if I actually don't like HER.

So far my three little sisters love her (ages 13, 11, and 7).

My older sister doesn't have a preference since she is moved out of the house anyway.

I hope she can be a loving mom to my younger sisters because I know they need someone... but I do too.

Just . . . I can't trust her.

Hopefully over time things will change.

My aunt who had been living with us since before my mom died, has just moved back home.

I've been having more fights with my Dad since he really isn't a good mom.. and now here comes a step-mom.

I feel like I don't have an adult-ly motherly figure that cares about me and loves me and that I can talk to. I feel so very alone.

Thanks!

- Name Withheld

P.S. I am sorry for sending you all these emails.. I'm sure you are tired from hearing from me. But I love how you try to help with problems with a twist on them that keeps the Savior in mind.

And you can't judge since you don't know me personally.




Dear Friend,

Losing someone close to you is always difficult. It gets better with time. LOTS of time. 

Be patient with yourself. 

And never stop leaning on the Lord. 

He who has suffered all things knows exactly what you're going through. 

Talk to him. 

Often. 

I think you have several good reasons to cry; and I think crying is okay. 

Your dad is lonely.   I think that's very understandable.

He's ready to move on. 

I hope he's chosen well. 

The best thing you can do is be loving and supportive. 

Be the Best You, the nicest you, the most understanding you, that you can be. 

I'm always here for those moments when you feel alone, and you can email whenever you want. 

But I think it will also be good for you to find someone who can be there for you in ways that some random internet guy can't. 

What I mean is, seek out counsel from your older sister, or one of your young women leaders, or even an older sister at Church. 

You're not the only one out there who needs someone to talk to, you know. 

A good strong sister can fill a void that a dad, or any other guy (including yours truly) can never fill. 

Maybe your aunt! 

Or a grandma . . . or just someone else that will be understanding. 

Satan loves it when we feel alone. 

That's when he as us at our most vulnerable. 

Always remember that in Christ we are never alone. 

And you're right. 

Kind of. 

I don't judge people. 

I judge situations. 

In that regard I may someday say "Hey, you're doing something dumb!"; that won't mean that I don't care; it will mean that I care enough to tell you the truth. 

Write whenever you want. 

But get out there and make good friends, too. 

And do this Old Guy a favor: never drop your standards! 

Your mom wants to see you in the Celestial Kingdom; and so do I. 

So that's the goal! 

- Bro Jo