New Girl - Part 1

Dear Bro Jo,

I am 23 years old and just graduated with my Bachelor's degree. I just decided to move to a new state a few weeks ago to have some change and eventually go to grad school.

I really love it so far, and it seems like there are a lot more dating possibilities here. It's a little bit hard being the new girl, considering I have an introverted personality, but I've really pushed myself to be outgoing and introduce myself to a lot of people. I've had a lot of success in making friends and meeting guys so far. I'm not a naturally talented flirter, but I know a lot about flirting, and it is actually kind of easy for me to do when I'm first meeting a guy.

I feel like I am good at sparking guys' interests, but then after that I have a couple problems. First, I feel like once I've sparked a guy's interest, after that when we interact I get really nervous and forget everything I know about flirting. The introverted side of me comes out again. And second, if we are at a game night or some sort of social activity, when other more flirty and outgoing girls come along, I am overshadowed. How do I keep guys interested after I have initially sparked their attention?

And how do I keep from being overshadowed from other flirty girls?

There are 3 guys right now who have sparked my interest, and I feel like they might be interested too.

However, I feel like their interest is dwindling away for reasons which I have already explained and I haven't even had the chance to go on dates with them. I really need some help!

I know you have advice about how a girl can get a guy to ask her out. After the fact, I always seem to realize that I had the perfect opportunity, but didn't think of it in the moment because I was nervous, and just excited to be talking to the guy in the first place.

Do you have any wisdom to shed upon my situation? Thanks!

There are a lot of opportunities that come with being the new girl, I really don't want to miss out on them!

Sincerely,

- New Girl





Dear New,

Flirting is great, especially as an icebreaker, but I think you're at the point now where you can go beyond that.

I call it "talking" . . . and it works great!

Once the interest is sparked, reel a guy in by talking to him.  The best technique is to ask him questions about himself, listen to what he says, and respond with clarifying questions.  Avoid the temptation to "make everything he says about you"; that's when you ask a question, he answers, and you tell a story about yourself.  People do that because they like to talk and they may even think they're building rapport, but really it's just a huge turn off.

When he asks you about you, be a little coy, but don't push away.  What I mean is, don't let him just say a blanket "so . . . what about you?"  Have him work a little.  In a "flirty way" respond with "well . . . what do you want to know?"  Stuff like that.

If you get really involved, and the conversation is going great, look for the opportunity to say "I'd love to talk to you some more, you should ask me out on a date for this weekend".  That may be more forward than you're ready for, but at some point you're going to have to let him know that he's going to have to put in a little more effort, and that you're worth it.

Have fun!

And, remember, a first date is just a first date.

- Bro Jo