I have written to you a few times over the years because sometimes it's just nice to get an outside perception of things. I'm probably one of your older readers, but still learning and growing in my dating life. I think last time I wrote to you I was nearly engaged, clearly that didn't work. (Which was a good thing).
I am writing today because I have been dating a wonderful guy for about a month, and we are at a bit of a crossroads... Do we take our relationship to the next level and become more serious or break up?
I thought I knew what I wanted, but now that I'm faced with this decision I'm very confused. My feelings keep going back and forth, one minute I feel like I'm all in and the next I feel like I want to end it.
A little about him, we have been friends for a while and I convinced him to give us a try, he's younger (he's 24, I'm 28) and a little immature when it comes to dating, because he hasn't done much. He's done with school and trying to find a good job. He's a great man, strong in this church, kind, no pornography issues, treats me well, attractive, willing to do anything for anyone, and just overall good! He is just what I would ask for. However he is slightly immature, and in some ways we are very different which annoys me at times. Like when we are at ward activities and other public things I am quiet and reserved while he says whatever comes to mind, and is a little loud and mire the center of attention. He can also be slightly socially awkward at times.
We communicate extremely well, and can talk about pretty much anything. I even talked to him about the social awkwardness. I know that I am someone who can become annoyed at things a little too easily at times, and am not perfect at all.
I guess I just can't figure out where the feeling of wanting to back away is coming from, is it fear, is it that this is out of my comfort zone, is it from Heavenly Father telling me this isn't the right thing to pursue, is it Satan trying to prevent a good thing from happening, is it me just being slightly embarrassed by him? I really can't seem to figure it out and I was hoping for some advice.... How do I figure out my feelings and press forward in the way that I should?
- Confused
Dear Confused,
One month is pretty early in a relationship to think you're at a crossroads.
If you don't like the guy, if he's a loser, breakup and move on.
Otherwise I say keep dating him until you either
A) realize you want to marry him (and, by the way, we keep dating our spouses even after we've married)
or
B) find someone you're MORE interested in.
You say he's a good man and actively looking for employment.
Remember where fear comes from and who it is that wants you to NOT get married for Time and All Eternity.
AND, by the way, if you're going to put off marriage until you find a man that never embarrasses you . . . well, you're going to be single for a long, LONG time.
- Bro Jo
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