I usually don't just tell strangers about my dating life, but I am really curious to know what advice you might have for me.
I am a returned missionary and I've been home for almost half a year.
Where I live, (on an island) it is known to be a place where dating is SLOW and hard.
I actually haven't gone on a real date yet and it just frustrates me because it makes me feel as if I am not progressing the way that my Heavenly Father wants me to.
I read your post about finding someone within 6 months to be sealed to and I thought of a person-who happens to be my best friend. He just told me that things didn't work out very well with a girl that lived across the world and he wants to rant to me about her and what went all down because I am his friend and I feel that he just wants to vent.
Little does he know, I do have a seed of feelings for him because I realize that he is probably one of the only guys that I completely trust thus far in my life.
He invited me to go with him to town and eat some dessert at a local restaurant. but he said that he would explain everything between him and this other girl as we go get dessert.
I thought it was gonna be a date, but instead it just became a thing for him to rant about a different girl. Plus he just said that because there is space in his car for five people, I could invite other people to come.
(sigh)
I figured to just let God take the wheel in this and allow me to just be his friend who truly cares about him and can be my complete self with so that I can see if he can find me as someone that can become his eternal companion as well.
This is my story. i hope it makes sense.
All I can say is that I am just a little worried that he will just see me as a friend after it all.
With best regards,
- Friend of a Guy
Dear Friend,
If you want to be MORE than "Just a Friend", YOU need to do something about it.
I think you need to tell him.
Perhaps something like one of these:
"You keep ranting about these girls that are no good for you . . . or who live impossibly far away. How much longer before you wise up and ask me on a date?"
"I'll go with you to dinner, but only if it's a date and if no one else comes along."
"I like being your friend, but at some point you're either going to have to date me or I'm going to need to move on"
If you allow him to treat you as nothing more than a friend, that's all you're ever going to be . . . until he does marry someone other than you . . . at which point you'll either no longer be his friend . . . unless of course your goal is to become "the other woman" . . . which I don't recommend and don't think is the case.
Seriously.
Unless you want to be the girl who is his back up or who he comes to complain to about his wife . . . you need to make a clear and obvious statement. Good luck! And let me know how it goes!
- Bro Jo
Dear Bro Jo,
I honestly prayed about it. I went out with him that day, went out for dessert and was able to go with him and only him instead of inviting others.
Ever since then, the seed of feelings sprouted.
Then I prayed about it and came to realization that I do like him.
Then I prayed again to ask God, what am I to do with such feelings?
I obviously had to do more than recognize it but do something about it. I received the prompting from the spirit to tell him how I feel, just as you told me.
Maybe I chose not to express myself to him in exact words as you gave me in your examples, but I was honest with him.
It was honestly the scariest thing I've ever done, but so rewarding!
I put myself out there and I told him how I felt.
He told me that he didn't even think of me in such a way, in a way of more than friends.
I made it clear that I needed to know if I need to move on or not.
He told me that for now, he feels that I should move on, but if he ever does end up liking me, he will tell me....and that I'm grateful for.
As I told him how I felt, I also explained that I am not one to send mixed signals, but to be direct and honest with my feelings.
I am so dang proud of myself!
haha!
I also made it clear that I wouldn't let this effect our friendship. So the results are these. We are still friends, he knows how I feel, I followed the spirit, following the spirit brought me so much peace, and two.....as I finished talking to him,
I went to class and got asked to go to the beach with a really cute guy.
Unfortunately I had to say no because I have an eye doctor's appointment that day...BUT I asked him to go laser tagging with me one day :). I feel great!
Thanks your advice. I didn't follow it exactly, but it did give me a push towards some type of progression.
Sincerely,
- Friend
Dear Friend,
Good for you!
And thanks for the update.
Cheers,
- Bro Jo
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