Dear Bro Jo,
It's been a while since I've emailed you, and you probably get a lot of emails. I wouldn't email if I wasn't sincerely confused about what to do.
This past summer I was dating a guy, but he decided he felt nothing so he told me so and he went his separate way. Unfortunately we were in the same ward so I saw him every Sunday at church. That would have been fine, except soon after he started dating another girl in the ward and I got jealous. I felt like he'd been seeing her all along and I accused him of this. However, that's not what happened at all. Anyway, the day I saw them together for the first time and started crying in Sacrament meeting, I prayed to God that he'd send me someone to be my best friend and help me through this. A few minutes after that I got a text from an old friend who I'd kind of crushed on for a while, before I even met the guy from this summer.
My old friend (lets call him Paul) started texting me all the time (because we were in two different states) and we hit it off. I ended up going down to Arizona to visit him for a week and a half before I had to go home to pack up to go back to Rexburg. While in Arizona we went on a few dates and went camping with some friends of his. It went well, but I decided I didn't like him well enough to date him or go any farther so I called things off. He drove me back home in Nevada and he stayed a night. We ended up cuddling on the couch, and then I made him leave when he said he needed to leave.
That semester we talked a lot, but I told him there was no chance of us working out and he agreed so we were just friends, until I texted him on the 22nd of December. I decided I could see us possibly working out so we started talking about getting married. When I told my parents they were happy for me. They said they were surprised we weren't dating before, because we seemed so close and comfortable with each other. When I talked to Paul he said that after he left my place back in September he pulled off the side of the road on the way home and cried because he thought he'd lost me for good.
Two days ago he came to visit again, this time with the intent to propose marriage to me. I was excited to see him and I thought I was going to say yes. I loved being with him and spending time with him, but I was praying while we were driving up the temple that I'd know what to say and when we got there (and on the way there) I felt like I couldn't say yes. So, I told him so and we came home and talked on the way home and everything. The next day, I tried staying away from him as much as possible but he didn't make it easy. Finally I took him to the mall and we went shopping. He tried to pay for a bracelet I wanted, but he couldn't find his money before I could pull out my debit card.
When we stopped at the food court to eat he paid, even though he had very little money. We went back to my place and watched Despicable Me with my brothers. I was shivering on the couch, so he wrapped his coat around me and wrapped his arms around me so that I would warm up.
Paul is a great guy, he's active in the church, he has had a tough time with his family but he's always there for his friends. He is amazing. I love him, but something keeps holding me back. My mom thinks I should just make the jump. I know he still loves me and that he'd take me back in a second (and probably insist we get married right away, since I keep changing my mind). But I need to know it's right, and although I feel comfortable cuddling with him I don't like kissing him and he has admitted he doesn't like kissing either. I thought you're supposed to like kissing the person you marry.
I am sincerely confused and I hoped that maybe you could clear things up for me.
Sincerely,
- Confused
Dear Confused,
I'm confused, too!
Before I go on a tirade about how you don't deserve this guy, and say things like "you may be making a terrible mistake" . . . why don't you like kissing him?
I'm thinking back to girls I've kissed, and the ones I didn't like kissing . . . (chapped lip girl, bad breath girl, sloppy girl, too aggressive girl . . . ) so I can understand that there are reasons; I think you need to know what those are.
And I can't imagine anyone marrying someone that they don't like kissing and that doesn't like kissing them . . . but that may be because for me kissing is a big deal.
Is it that you guys don't like kissing Each Other? Or is it that you don't like kissing anyone?
- Bro Jo
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