Dear Bro Jo,
Hey there Bro Jo!
I have a question for you that I hope you can help me with.
I'll keep it simple.
I just started my first semester at BYU and recently I have been dating an RM that I met over the summer. He's musically talented, and our skills are pretty compatible to each other (he's on the cello, I'm on the piano, Piano Guys style!) and we performed a few musical numbers together in our YSA ward and got to know each other pretty well in a really good casual setting. Right now I would say it's nothing serious, in fact on our first date I expressed my concern that so many young adults just go out and get married without really dating around. But he's asked me on a few dates since. And as we both spend more time together, I feel like I have fallen hard. I mean, he's such a great guy. I kid you not, he is literally the best guy I have ever had the privilege of meeting.
In fact, I honestly wouldn't mind if we took our relationship to the next level... and I think he might have the same feelings. But maybe I have confused him because of the comment that I made on our first date? Do you think he's having reservations because he's 4 years older than me? I wouldn't say that age means a whole lot to me, but, alas, I can't read his mind. I really really want to "upgrade" our relationship to the level where I can call him my main squeeze, you know? We haven't really kissed or held hands or anything but I feel like that could happen any day. I don't think either of us want to rush into things that we want to last for eternity but if my senses are right, both of us are seriously interested. But maybe we just don't know how to express our feelings for each other??
Soooo, I think eventually we might need to have a DTR talk, as dreadful as that sounds.
How does one "define the relationship"? Maybe you can give an example walk-through conversation? A list of do's and don'ts? I have read up on most of your other lists (which I love) but I haven't found one that quite fits this situation. Obviously I would wait until I feel it is right to have this conversation, but I would really hate to like... mess it up. Or say the wrong thing.
I have never done this before because I am fairly new to the serious dating world, and I would guess that I am not the only one who would benefit from this kind of advice.
You're seriously the best, Bro Jo. Thanks for everything.
Sincerely,
- Star-crossed
Dear Star,
Thank you for the email.
The one list you may have missed is "Bro Jo's Levels of a Relationship".
You can find it HERE.
DTR's are an interesting thing. You know Sister Jo and I never really had one?
Well not in the beginning anyway.
See, we knew we were in a relationship that was exclusive and going somewhere because we were spending all of our available time together and that time consisted of a lot of kissing and hand holding.
For the record, I think many of us have made the mistake of proclaiming what we think we want at the wrong time.
Quick story.
I had gotten in the habit of doing my homework in the Library during lunch. One day there was this stunning girl sitting all by herself. I sat down at her table and struck up a conversation. She was amazing! We laughed, bonded . . . it was going great! I was just about to ask for her phone number and then somewhere I got the stupid idea that because she was in the Library she probably hated cheerleaders (as do many jealous girls in High School) so I said something derogatory, thinking that she'd really think I was great. Problem was . . . you guessed it . . . she was on cheer. That one ignorant and snarky comment killed the conversation and ruined my chances.
Look around your college. It's full of people (mostly women fall into this category, I'm afraid) who miss amazing Eternal Companion opportunities because they announce (and exemplify by action) that they're not ready for anything that might one day lead to an Eternal Marriage.
Huge mistake.
But in your case, not something that can't be overcome. After all, he IS still dating you, isn't he?
If you feel the need to take back what you said, to let him know you may no longer hold that opinion, then do.
Trust the Spirit. You'll be fine.
And ENJOY this time!
Young relationships can be a lot of fun.
Thanks for the kind words,
- Bro Jo
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