tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8729080532188674868.post7614367956187122248..comments2024-03-23T19:56:39.134-06:00Comments on Dear Bro Jo . . . : The Horny Roommate - Part 1 (Sex Talk and Virgin Ears)Bro Johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04525964417706399553noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8729080532188674868.post-35804164033079112812012-04-15T23:26:26.931-06:002012-04-15T23:26:26.931-06:00@ Kylie -
Just wait until tomorrow's post - ...@ Kylie - <br /><br />Just wait until tomorrow's post - Part 2!<br /><br />- Bro JoBro Johttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04525964417706399553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8729080532188674868.post-62737642045197368342012-04-15T23:21:19.546-06:002012-04-15T23:21:19.546-06:00I'm not sure. I just graduated from BYU-I, and...I'm not sure. I just graduated from BYU-I, and in my four years there, I have to say that some of the best conversations I had with my roommates started with talking about sex. Of course, we made sure to keep it PG-13. But the thing about those conversations is that it takes so much trust to open up to anyone like that. From that topic, we would go into what kind of guys we wanted to marry, what kind of relationship we would like, how we felt about ourselves and our bodies, do you see what I'm saying? So yes, if they are getting too graphic, say something. But a conversation about the fact that she's nervous about the wedding night can lead to a relationship with your roommate that can last even after she gets married. And I think that's the thing to focus on. If you lose the respect of your roommate, believe me, they can make your semester miserable. Just be open and honest about all of it.Kylienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8729080532188674868.post-61084259712379926792012-04-14T23:06:30.158-06:002012-04-14T23:06:30.158-06:00@ Annon -
My apologies - seems I forgot my audie...@ Annon - <br /><br />My apologies - seems I forgot my audience there for a moment; "lingerie" is not what comes to mind when people say "adult items" . . . I'll just let that go at that.<br /><br />Sister Jo taught me that "pretty underwear" can go a long way towards a woman feeling pretty. This has already been discussed on these pages, but I'll reiterate here that:<br /><br />- for the most part, what happens between a consensual couple in privacy is no one's business but their own<br />- Garments are quite sexy<br />- pornography and pornographic paraphernalia (and again, for those of you on the other side of the Zion Curtain, I don't include lacy things in that category) have no business in our homes or our relationships<br /><br />- Bro JoBro Johttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04525964417706399553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8729080532188674868.post-74366271027821027992012-04-11T21:49:14.102-06:002012-04-11T21:49:14.102-06:00Hello, "Virgin Ears" here. Just want to ...Hello, "Virgin Ears" here. Just want to make a quick comment responding to Concerned's concerns.<br />Long story short...<br />I know.<br />I have a past, and I appreciate your concern, but my point in saying I will not be talking about it <i>much</i> with my fiance is not because I feel sex is a bad thing, but because I don't even want to come close to crossing the line (be it in action, words, or thoughts) before it is appropriate. Yes, we should talk about it before we're married, but my point is that I feel it should not be excessive. As in something we talk about all the time... or even every day.. but yes, I fully understand there will be discussion.<br />I've come far too close to the line before and crossed it, and I feel that because I've done that and have learned personally how sacred and beautiful it is, I just don't feel the need to make it much of a focus before I make covenants. So while my signature name is "virgin ears", it doesn't necessarily mean I'm naive or find sex to be taboo.<br /><br />I didn't say the word "sex" in that sentence, but that does not necessarily mean I couple it with "evil". I just find the topic to be very private. Hence the anonymous email. It's like choosing to say "my private parts" instead of flat-out saying the anatomical name for it (I would just say it here, but I don't want Bro Jo to have to censor anything..?). Simply for comfort of conversation.<br /><br />It's my own personal choice, and I feel right with the Lord about it.<br /><br />That doesn't mean it's what everybody should do, but it is what I should do.<br /><br />Thanks again for your concern. I'll be okay.<br /><br />I do agree there are too many people out there, specifically LDS people, who are not open enough about the topic, and it is a problem. Not as big of a problem as chastity in the church is, but an important problem none-the-less.Virgin Earsnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8729080532188674868.post-17216963815597682802012-04-11T15:38:47.263-06:002012-04-11T15:38:47.263-06:00There are several books that I have read about thi...There are several books that I have read about this topic, and all of them have all said the same things basically, including 'And they were not ashamed." Like I said earlier, my only experiences about this is my sisters' wedding showers and conversations with my parents, along with these books. From what I've heard though, I wouldn't consider lingerie or similar items inappropriate. The basics of what I've been told is that with a few absolutes, it's all a matter of what the couple feels comfortable with, as long as it's all in the spirit of love.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8729080532188674868.post-51105447197859986132012-04-11T12:11:54.399-06:002012-04-11T12:11:54.399-06:00The topic of discussing sex and sexual expectation...The topic of discussing sex and sexual expectations with your fiance is addressed in:<br /><br />"Bro Jo’s "LIST of STUFF YOU NEED TO KNOW TO BEFORE YOU GET ENGAGED"<br /><br />which can be found HERE -> (http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=10150599081725085) on the Facebook page <br /><br />and in the book "Bro Jo's Guide to Relationships".<br /><br /><br />Being sold at Deseret Book is not a guarantee of quality or virtue, although most things there meet both criteria.<br /><br /><br />Sex is both intimate and personal, and there is nothing "adult" (mature . . . sophisticated . . . however you want to label it) about sex toys ("adult items"), pornography (not okay even if you're watching it with your spouse) or anything else (including conversations) that treat what should be sacred too lightly.<br /><br />The best thing one can do to improve their sex life is to talk to the person they're having sex with (again, this is supposed to be their spouse).<br /><br />One reason people joke about sex is because they're uncomfortable and looking for recognition or acceptance.<br /><br />I would be hurt and horrified if Sister Jo ever shared details about what I consider to be intimate and between us with anyone else, in any context. And I have no doubt that she would feel the same.<br /><br />It's like the old adage: if you have to talk about how great you are, you're not . . . and you know it.<br /><br />- Bro JoBro Johttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04525964417706399553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8729080532188674868.post-76771405924604967572012-04-11T11:52:59.242-06:002012-04-11T11:52:59.242-06:00Maybe it's because I am from a more worldly p...Maybe it's because I am from a more worldly place, but I've never heard of a bridal shower that didn't involve lingerie and such; however, my only experience with bridal showers is my sisters' bridal showers. And this sounds more like a bachalorette party than a bridal shower.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8729080532188674868.post-7098479594124943992012-04-11T09:59:22.323-06:002012-04-11T09:59:22.323-06:00I am so grateful for the brave girl who posted thi...I am so grateful for the brave girl who posted this. Coming from another BYU-I girl with virgin ears, this topic needed to be addressed. Thanks for the response BroJo, and I am proud to be considered old-fashioned with you. I am going to stand up for what I think in a stronger way now.Felicianoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8729080532188674868.post-39913934683336597912012-04-09T19:03:44.458-06:002012-04-09T19:03:44.458-06:00Good advice, generally, except there is one thing ...Good advice, generally, except there is one thing that this dear sister really needs to know, one that you didn't address this time, but that I hope to heaven you already discussed with her.<br /><br />Quote:<br />"When I'm engaged, I don't even know that my fiance and I would talk about it that much. I imagine there might be one conversation about how we feel about 'it', but not much else."<br /><br />I cannot express how much this worries me. I know that we are trying to avoid the evils surrounding the corruption of God-given sexuality, but methinks some of the parents and teachers in Zion have gone too far. To not even be able to say the word 'SEX' means that this poor woman has it so tightly coupled with 'EVIL' that when her honeymoon comes, she may not be able to easily separate the two. LDS therapist Laura Brotherson very aptly calls this the Good Girl Syndrome in her landmark book, <a href="http://deseretbook.com/They-Were-Not-Ashamed-Strengthening-Marriage-Through-Sexual-Fulfillment-Laura-M-Brotherson/i/4917595" rel="nofollow">And They Were Not Ashamed (Deseret Book).</a><br /><br />I will say that one short conversation prior to the wedding is not enough. Couples, at least in the final four weeks prior to marriage, should be able to respectfully and properly communicate their expectations and their beliefs regarding sex. They should be able to use anatomically correct language without shame. They should know the Lord's expectations of the sexual union, and that He expects and rejoices in the holy exercise of such.<br /><br />To this sister, I commend this book and ones similar to it. Deseret Book has an excellent selection of respectful literature.Concernednoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8729080532188674868.post-17706971713224495052012-04-09T09:54:30.458-06:002012-04-09T09:54:30.458-06:00My dear wife had recently been invited to an "...My dear wife had recently been invited to an "adult" products party (which seems to be much like Pampered Chef or Tupperware, just for "adult" items), and she was surprised at what faithful LDS married women in our ward would talk about when it comes to sex. She wasn't the only one uncomfortable with it (by her report), but it all went smoothly without anyone teasing or judging about each others breadth of sexual knowledge. Some people talk about (or joke about) such things to either show off their "knowledge" or to prove that they aren't "naive" about such things.<br /><br />I agree with the advice given. Talk to your roommate, alone, about it. Sometimes its as simple as an "i'm not comfortable with this, I'll have to pass". No lecture on what she should be doing, or jusding about others righteousness - just not participating in it.<br /><br />Good luck and stay the course on your current relationship. No matter what the world says, there is much, much more to a relationship than sex, even a married relationship. Sex is certainly important, but it certainly is not the thing that makes or breaks any relationship.Frank Pelletthttp://randommormonmusings.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.com