Kissing

Dear Bro Jo -

I'm a girl in High School. Is it OK to kiss my date?

- Sixteen in Belgrade



Dear Sixteen -

On behalf of your father: No! It most certainly is NOT OK for you to be kissing your dates!

Now go to your room until your father has picked out a nice husband for you to take to the Temple!

(Now that Bro Jo is married and has children of his own, he's a big proponent of arranged marriage and has tried to convince his daughters that kissing is for Honeymoons and Husbands are picked out by fathers)

Alright, let me put on my Serious and Honest hats: kissing is pretty cool. I love kissing my spouse (stop making sounds and faces, I can hear you readers from here).

Let's talk about what kissing means. If it doesn't mean anything to you, if you've become that worldly and desensitized, I feel bad for you. How sad!

Kissing in western culture (and because of Hollywood, now most of the world) is a sign of love and affection. One fellow parent teaches her daughters that kissing is a sign of commitment (although I don't think she knows how much kissing her girls do), and she's right: when a relationship has reached a level where you're comfortable touching lips and swapping spittle (and germs - that's a fact of life, you know, we're not just talking "cooties" here), you're saying something more than "hey, let's be pals".

The troubles arise when our kissing is driven not by commitment (because of our age or place in life) but by passion. If MJ is the gateway drug to everything else, Kissing is the gateway drug to sex. It's exciting, it feels nice (when done properly), and it gives you the sense (although often incorrectly) that you have value. If someone is kissing you, the MUST like you, right?

(not necessarily - they may just like kissing - and that's not good)

Passion is good - in a marriage. Passion is dangerous before marriage.

I know High School kids are going to kiss, I'm not THAT old, but keep it special, would you please?

Don't kiss everyone you go out with, don't get caught in make-out sessions, and don't ever forget that while we kiss people we love, somebody trying to kiss us does not mean they're "in love" with us (and if it does, that may not be a good thing at this age). And stay a kid for just a while longer - believe me, childhood will be gone WAY to fast: you don't want to be in a relationship so committed in High School that you're kissing between classes.

(Note to both YM & YW - there's a lot of GOOD kids out there that will lose interest in you if you become one of those people with serious - and that includes public kissing - relationships in school. Want to date lots of different people? Stay out of the serious relationship)

One Bishop I know advises youth about kissing this way:

• never on the first three dates (and never date the same person without three or more different dates in between)
• never in a car
• never where you're going to be alone for a very long time
• if you must, make it the "at the door drop-off", under the porch light, afraid any moment your dad may open the door, and keep it short

Now, for those of you that are older, post-mission, ready-for-marriage readers, I've got a different set of rules and advice . . .

- Bro Jo