Dear Bro Jo,
I know that your website has nothing to do with mental illness, but it does have to do with the way others are treated, so, I thought I'd drop you a line.
I am diagnosed as Schitzoaffective Disorder which is a combo of Bipolar and Schizophrenia. So far I have been in two different Wards as a Single; one as a YSA, and the second as over 30. In both of those Wards when the people found out that I had "Mental Illness” and they completely freaked and stopped talking to me.
I'm serious! I even had a Bishop tell me that I was possessed by Satan and needed to repent.
One of the treatments is Electric Shock Therapy. I have had this many times. When the members found out about that it was even worse.
I now attend a family ward where none but my Bishop and VT know about my illness. A couple of weeks ago I was telling my grandpa how I wanted him to seal me in the temple (as he is a Sealer) when the time came and he told me that I would never marry in this life because of my illness.
Granted, I haven't dated anyone more than once since I was diagnosed, but I feel like an ordinary person most of the time and was very hurt by his remark. I take all my meds as prescribed and know when to go to the hospital should I need to. I feel that there is a good priesthood holder out there who would accept me as I am in this life.
How can I teach the members (and even the nonmembers) I am surrounded by not to be influenced by the movies and TV shows or even the news depicting Mental Illness. Not even every person who has the same diagnosis acts in the same manner. We're all unique.
- Curious "ill" person
Dear Person,
I’m proud of you for working so hard to overcome a very real illness. It's a very sad reality that while the Church is very good, like any big group, not everyone in it is. People fear what they don't understand, and in so doing they miss out on getting to know many wonderful people.
You’ve got an uphill battle ahead of you. If you really want to fight it, you’re going to have to educate people about your condition. Have literature available to hand out to people as they become trusted friends. You can’t live your life in a hole, so you’ll want to gradually include more people in your life.
Be careful to understand the fears of others, by that I mean don’t be overly insistent or pushy. If you want people to be patient with you, you’re going to have to be patient with them. If you want to be understood, work to understand others; put yourself in their shoes: they may be thinking "she wants something from me", "she's complaining all the time", "she's too needy", "she's unfairly judging me" - none of those sentiments are fair, but they may be very real.
I don’t know if your conversation with your grandfather was in the form of a casual discussion, counsel from a Sealer, or part of a Priesthood Blessing, and I think that context is important. Somehow I suspect that your Grandfather who loves you was in his own way trying to protect you from disappointment. Maybe you’ll get married in this existence, maybe you won’t, but don’t let that keep you from seeking out good friendships and quality relationships, including romantic ones.
Stay thick-skinned. Realize that people’s fears can be irrational; don’t let them get you down.
- Bro Jo
Note: I want my readers to know that I've added a link to Schitzoaffective Disorder so they can find out more about this real, and very treatable condition. We all have faults, we’ll all go through trials; no one likes to be ostracized (look it up if you need to); remember, Christ includes everyone.
Thanks Bro. Jo,
ReplyDeleteMy grandfather said that to me in a casual conversation. You have good insight. Last night I met some new people who somehow brought up mental illness and how people with mental illness were completely incapable. I just smiled and mentioned some of the famous Actors, like Robin Williams or writers and CEOs and all sorts of people who just need their meds adjusted once in a while just like a diabetic, but who were very successful. I was very careful not to be defensive. Because you're right, I don't want them to get the wrong idea, just get learn a different perspective.
You’re on the right track. As you gain friends and allies you’ll also gain advocates. Education and Communication are the key. Stay strong!
ReplyDelete- Bro Jo
I have been diagnosed with a mental illness too and although I have kept in contact with many of my friends from college, mission and previous wards who are aware of this illness, it is still difficult to know who to trust with such a serious matter. Recently I moved into a new ward and have visited the YSA ward a couple of times. I met quite a few people at one of the activities and was even invited to a guys house for a movie night with a bunch of people.
ReplyDeleteThat evening they started joking about people with mental illness and how they "couldn't control themselves." I laughed and mentioned a bunch of actors and writers who have such an illness and how they were obviously able to control themselves.
I was in the hospital once and met a CEO of a popular corporation who just was admitted because he needed his meds adjusted. There are many famous people who are on meds for the same reason I am, yet it seems like they live "normal lives."
Many people in my family have the same illness I do, yet it seems like their's isn't as intense as mine is, even though I go to a counselor on a regular basis and take all my meds as perscribed. Perhaps my perspective is warped.
I hunger to have a closeness with someone of the opposite sex. Yet I can't seem to make friends with people once I finally confide in them (after 4 or 5 meetings) about my illness.
-lonely