I want to go on dates, but I'm totally freaked out about asking girls out! What do I do? What do I say? Can I call? Does it have to be in person?
Please help!
- Needing Courage
Dear Lion,
You already have courage, what you need is a medal!
(sorry, couldn't resist)
When I was a kid my cousin and I were discussing the same fear when his dad, my uncle, who had been listening to our conversation, walked up to us and said: "What's your problem? You just call her up and ask! The worst thing she could do is say no".
Yeah, right. "No" was a horrifying enough prospect, but what if she said it while laughing out loud and then the next day at school told all of her friends what a loser I am?
If you're new to the whole asking girls out thing, it is a little like getting vaccinated; you know it's going to sting, but you might as well get the shot because it's way better than the alternative.
(BTW - this is Another Reason why I recommend Church Dance participation - asking girls out is much easier if you've been asking them to dance for two years)
No, you don't have to ask them out in person, but eventually you should work up to that (if for no other reason, it's much more likely that they'll say yes in person).
First, have a Plan. You don't have to tell her all the details, but know the when and where and who else is going. If you're still in the High School Casual Dating mode, setting up a "dating buddy" (or two) first is a good idea; that's another someone to help plan and it takes a lot of pressure off.
Next, make the call. It might go something like this:
"Hey, Annette, this is Bobby. Cubby and I are planning a double date for this Saturday. We're going to go see the new Donald Duck cartoon at 7pm, and then we thought we'd take our dates out for ice-cream. Would you like to go as my date?"
Keep it simple.
Now, she may ask you lots of clarifying questions:
Who else is going? What time will you be picking me up? It's OK to have some of those potential questions, and their answers, thought up (and even written down) before hand; then you can refer to your notes.
If she says "No" in any way, say "OK, well maybe next time" and hang up (nicely) and get on the phone and ask someone else. Lather, Rinse, Repeat. Keep calling different girls until you get a "Yes".
If you call a girl and she's not home, leave a message, but make it totally non-descript: "Hey, this is Bobby, sorry I missed you, I'll call another time". That's it. No details about why you called and DON'T ask her to call you back.
Now, do yourself a favor and do some research lest you have to call every girl in the tri-county area. Don't plan your date on a weekend when all the girls you want to go out with will be gone; pick a time when you know people will be open. Plan ahead.
Eventually you'll be practiced enough at the art of Getting a Date that you can use one of my smooth and guaranteed lines:
- "Hey, Angelina, I'm thinking about going to the new Brad Pitt movie this Friday night, but I was thinking that it wouldn't be any good unless I took you with me"
- "Betty, which restaurant do you think you and I will enjoy the most on our date this Saturday"
- "Cate, I was thinking that I really would like to spend this Tuesday Evening strolling with a beautiful girl through the park, perhaps having a picnic dinner and doing a little star gazing, but every time I picture the evening the only girl I can think of is you".
But like I said, that level of smoothness comes with practice.
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