Dear Bro Jo,
You're doing a good job, I love what you do. But I kind of need help. I'm 17 and haven't had much luck with dating.
The first girl I asked out turned me down, and the next two I did take on a date now refuse to talk to me. Ever.
Sure, the second girl was a complete stranger, but having messed up bad three times I don't want to have another bad date.
There are tons of girls that are really nice and I would love to take out on a date or two just for fun. But I don't want them ending up hating me as well. I don't get it either; I'm not really boring, and I'm a southern gentleman, my mom being really tough on me about that.
How do I work up the confidence to ask someone else out, and how do I make sure that no future dates go as bad as my first two?
-Not really sure about girls...
Dear N.R.,
Refused to talk to you??? Just what are you doing wrong?
What, are you a little to smoochy? Are you expecting them to pay for the date? Are you asking them for Gas Money? Is your sense of humor nothing more than quoting dumb movies and fart jokes??
Seriously, N.R., I have news: you’re going to go on many more bad dates before all of this is over.
Before dating Sister Jo I went on something like 180+ dates with 60+ different girls (I had a little notebook I used to keep track of whom I took out where and when, lest I say something dumb) – and I got married young!
I had one girl “dump” me twice in 14 hours; I had one beg me to bring her little brother on our date (we'd been seeing each other for a month), and another girl who dumped me to date my friend but still expected me to take her to a fancy banquet that I’d already bought tickets for! (And believe me, there’s plenty more stories to tell).
I don’t know what you’re doing (or not doing) on these dates (or after) that’s making these girls so mad – you could try asking them (they may not tell you, but it would be entertaining to see what they'd say if they did) – but if you’re truly being a Good Guy, then the anger is their problem, not yours.
What you need to do is realize that you’re in the “Casual Dating” phase of life – just keep asking girls out. Be honest, upfront, and gentlemanly. You said there are “tons of girls” you’d like to take out, so get back to work!
Some dates will go better than others. Try to have fun, even on the “bad” dates.
Here’s a quick list of things you can do to help make that so:
1. Get a good Dating Buddy (or two). We old people call them “Wing-men”, and their like a Toy’s moving buddy – if you don’t have one, GET ONE! Someone who can watch your back, help you plan, keep the pressure off and the conversation flowing. Plus, then the two of you can review the night afterwards, helping each other realize the mistakes you made.
2. Make sure that you’re communicating the Date Plan with your Date when you ask them out (much to my chagrin, I’ve learned that many girls don’t like to be surprised on a date – Sister Jo, who thinks I should refer to her with you guys as “Jo Mama”, hates being surprised for our dates, and always has).
3. Be Clear about the “Not Looking for a Girlfriend” thing. That may mean you’ll get kissed a lot less (sorry, but this is actually a good thing), but you’ll be respected for being upfront. Steer clear of the Fillies that think the first date is a commitment.
4. Relax. It’s just Casual Dating, Bro. We’re here to have a good time, share a laugh or two, get to know each other better, and move on to the next social event. Until you come back, the Mission is the focus, not getting a girlfriend.
Don’t give up! As I said, I went on a lot of dates before Sister Jo; the Eternal Marriage waiting at the end of the pre-married dating line is well worth all the other heartaches.
- Bro Jo
BTW – thanks for the kind words – even Bro Jo needs a little encouragement once in a while.
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