Should He Marry Girl #1 or Girl #2?

Dear Bro Jo,

I don’t want my Name to be shown or my e-mail ether.

I am 31 years old; I am an African who came to study in Canada but presently in France on exchange.

I came from a Christian home. Before I left my Country for my Post graduate study, I was in a relationship with a Girl who really loved me, and I loved her too. We both planned to get married. Along the line she disappointed me by sleeping with someone.

I kept her for 4 years after this whole stuff. I forgave her just because I love her.

So I left for Canada and while I was there she misbehaved again and we stopped communication and we ended it all.

After which I gave another girl a chance just because I know this girl appreciates me. She love me, and she wanna be with me but I never loved her. Just because I was with someone immediately, myself and my ex broke up.

I gave this (new) girl a chance. She is too Good; too Nice, too caring and she wanted to live with me all her life. She calls me from Africa everyday. I introduced her to my Family already but . . . I don’t LOVE her.

So I have 3 questions (because my ex is calling me and begging me again)

(1) I was thinking, if I marry the girl that loves me I may not find fulfillment / happiness in my marriage (or I might love her later) because I have tried for one year. The love is not coming as a woman I want to marry but she has really, really, really helped me.

(2) I was thinking if I get marry to my ex that keeps hurting me she might continue to hurt my marriage life because she feels I will continue to forgive her.

(3)Should I just look for a Neutral person I will love and forget 2 of them?

Please advice me.

What should I do?

- Your Brother


Dear Broer,

(Readers, that’s Afrikaans for “Brother”)

If I publish your letter, I promise to not show your name or email.

1) My question is: why don't you love the New Girl?

2) DO NOT Marry your Ex! I promise she'll cheat on you again. Even if she doesn't, you'll never fully trust her again, and you can't build a relationship without trust.

3) Yeah, my gut instinct is that you should find someone else.

- Bro Jo


Dear Sir,

I really appreciate your respond and I feel very happy to receive from you;

More-so I sent the mail before I get to know that you are my church Member because I got baptized in the church in France in the year 2007, Dec 16th, So I am a full time member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Later-day Saints.

More-so, I don’t know why I don’t love the Girl. She is just too nice I don’t know what to do but maybe socially since not too okay for me, and she s not as beautiful as I want.

Academically she is not too sound and I feel Bad about all of this and other stuffs too but she is too Good to me.

- Vriend


My Friend,

Congratulations on your Baptism!

I went through something similar. I dated a girl that was smart, beautiful, fun, and a very good person. She treated me well, but I just wasn't "In Love". I never came up with a great reason why, although while I do believe that there’s more than one person out there for each of us, not Everyone can marry Anyone . . .

The next girl I seriously dated is the woman we now call "Sister Jo", so it all worked out!

If you don't Love her you owe it to her, and to you, to move on. You'll find someone, I promise! Just keep looking and keep dating!

But let me tell you that finding a woman that treats you well is WAY MORE IMPORTANT in my book than Beauty or Test Scores.

The "not as beautiful as I want" line is pretty superficial, Broer. Yes, it's important to be attracted to the person you marry, if you're going to fall In Love you're going to have to look a lot deeper than that. Temporal Beauty fades, but Spiritual Beauty lasts for Eternity.

That's a fact.

- Bro Jo