Lot's of "Girl Friends" but no Dates

Dear Bro Jo,

Ok question time.

I'm almost 17 and still haven't been on a single date. No particular reason, just haven’t.

But now there's this girl who I really like and I would really like to ask her out. There are however a couple of problems with that.

1) Despite being good friends with all the girls in my ward (all my friends are female and I have a lot of friends) I still feel a little awkward discussing stuff like dating and things.

2) This particular girl is, in my opinion, too good for me lol

3) she is more than a year my senior and seems to be more interested in everything else apart from me.

4) She's talked to me about all the guys she's liked over the years, even one of my great mates, and she always seems to like someone and never do anything about it.

5) I’m pretty sure she knows that I like her but still she hasn’t said anything.

I’m pretty well lost as to what to do here figured I’d ask you and see what advice I can get. I really really like her and don’t want to make things awkward between us.

Oh and one more problem, I’m pretty sure (people have hinted to me) that some of my other female friends like me and I don’t want to hurt them either.

Sorry about dumping my problems on you have helped my friend before and I figured I’d ask

Thanks,

Mormon


Dear Mo,

I hope you’re familiar enough with this column that you realize that I care enough about my readers to tell it to them straight.

There IS a “particular reason” why you haven’t gone on a date. In fact, there are probably several. The big one is that you’ve yet to ask a girl out. (Awfully tough to go out if you’re too shy to pick up the phone)

1) You’re not “Good Friends” with ANY of the girls in your Ward. You’ve surrounded yourself with girls that you’re interested in but are too afraid to do anything about. You talk a big game, but do nothing. I’m not saying you need to establish a harem, but let’s be honest: for you all of these “girl friends” are taking the place of actually dating or having a Girlfriend . . . because it’s easier, right? You get the companionship without having to buy movie tickets or put yourself out there.

2) As long as you keep this up, this girl IS too good for you. You’re hanging too much importance on dating given your age and lack of experience. Dating for you should be Casual Group Dating. You should be taking out ALL of these girls, one at a time, a different girl every time. Get yourself a good Dating Buddy or two, and stop sitting at home writing me letters about what a non-dating ladies-man you are.

3) You’re 17, she’s 18; trust me – if you plan a good date, she’ll go. Sisters around the world have written me saying that they’d go on dates with younger guys. They’re frustrated that you don’t ask, not concerned about a 1-year age difference.

4) I wouldn’t worry one whit about whether or not this girl likes other guys and never does anything about it, other than it means she doesn’t have a boyfriend, and that’s good news for you.

5) OK, now you’re getting on my nerves. Are you implying that She should make the first move??? That SHE should ask YOU out? Maybe she IS to good for you . . .

OK, in all seriousness, if you’re a decent guy, and you Casually Date, keeping your dates light and noncommittal (as they should be at your age), then no one will have a right to get mad. If they do it will probably be because you’ve yet to take them out, but even then that’s their issue, not yours.

You make a lot of excuses for inaction. That, my friend, will earn you nothing but loneliness.

Read through my Dating Rules, and remember, this is the time to meet lots of people and have fun, not find a Girlfriend.

Thanks for Reading and Writing In, and tell your buddy I said hello.

- Bro Jo

Dear Bro Jo,

ok my email came out a little wrong
sorry, I’m no English major

its not that I’m too shy
though I see your point
I just feel (despite how strange it seems) that because I’ve seen how she's gotten awkward around guys and stuff in the past that I don’t want things to get that way with us
so I lack self confidence but I’m not shy
there is a difference

my friends tell me their problems and I help them which is why I can get so close to how they think
this is another reason why I was reluctant to simply ask her out

I HAVENT SURROUNDED MYSELF WITH GIRLS I'M INTERESTED IN
I am just good friends with the girls
I am not romantically interested in them

I'm a nerd who is too nice for his own good

sorry about the excuses but that's how I am
trying to fix that
but thanks for replying

sorry to annoy,

Mormon

P.S. trivia, she is an English major funnily enough


Mo -

I don't think your email came out wrong . . .

Nothing you've said in your second email changes the fact that you want this special girl to be something more than a Casual Date, which is premature at this stage of your dating career.

Chatting up girls at Church makes you "friendly", not a Close Personal Friend . . .

Let me ask you this: if you're not interested in any of these girls, why do you spend so much time talking to them?

Are you "friends" outside of Church? Do you hang out with them? Text / email / call them? Go places one-on-one?

See, I doubt any of that is true. That makes you acquaintances, not friends.

There's no such thing as "too nice".

"That's how I am" is the biggest excuse of them all!

You need to stop justifying, and start listening.

1) Get a dating buddy (or two)
2) Plan a Casual Group Date
3) Ask a girl out on that date (this girl or another, it doesn't really matter)
4) Lather, Rinse, Repeat

I'm not annoyed,

- Bro Jo

PS - any differential you make between "shy" and "lacking confidence" is semantic at best. "Shy" is not evil.